» Sticking it to The Man

job interview...
not funny but i thought i'd share it with you.
over the years like many people i've right royally failed at job interviews and on many occasions taken abuse and rude comments from my would-be managers.

personally i've always thought this behaviour is unprofessional, arrogant and unfair, after all the interviewee has made the effort to visit them. i'm sure most of you have been in a similar position.

i went for an interview at for a job as a recruitment consultant at hays, the set up was pretty much a good-cop bad-cop situation with an interview with two self indulgent fuck-with managers.

obviously the bad-cop was the more cretinous of the two, with an sense of arrogance & overly proud of percentages and typical boring shite that doesn't really matter in overall existence.

he started by saying "well martyn, i am very impressed with your CV, i can see you can make an impact here, but i have to say i am disappointed!"

"eerr? why?" was my reply.
"well you've got your name tag on from your current job, your tie is 'snaking' down your shirt and your shoes aren't leather, it's just unprofessional".

Sensing this interview wasn't going any where i had to interrupt:
"look, can i stop you there, where is this interview going? i've made an effort with time off work and i already feel that this interview isn't going any where. if this is the case i may as well leave now and get back to earning some money and not waist any further time".

"well that depends on how you feel, do you feel that you can salvage this interview and impress me?" he replied, then going on to state that i could be earning up to £3k a month. "if you feel this interview isn't going anywhere then you're welcome to leave, i must say though that you're appearance just isn't good enough, you've got to ask your self is it worth it?"

deciding for a brief few seconds, i eventually made my mind up and informed them "well you mentioned my appearance is 'unprofessional', i a vegan which is why my shoes aren't leather. i'm not sure what 'snaking' mean but the general rule of gravity usually cause ties run down shirts and as for the name tag... this was given to me by your receptionist, it's the name tag for this very interview, it even has your company's name on it...

...you also asked me if i feel it's worth trying to impress you. although the money is tempting, it still would never be worth working with a manager as self indulgent as your self. so i'm calling an end to this interview, you simply aren't worth it."


upon leaving i even handed him the "unprofessional" name tag. leaving that building felt so good, i felt more proud for sticking it to the man than i ever would if had i got the job.
(Fri 18th Jun 2010, 12:43, More)

» Customers from Hell

misunderstanding the Irish accent
I used to work for a well known camera manufacture who I will say begins with an 'N' and end with 'ikon'. We had a call centre based in Dublin where customers would get technical support ect.

One lady called and was advised that her camera needed to be repaired at the head office. She was then advised by the Irish call centre op to send her camera to '380 Richmond Road'

It eventually arrived, but instead addressed to:

'Tree 80 Richmond Road'
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 16:02, More)

» Customers from Hell

"YES I 'AVE FUCKIN' SHIT MY SELF"
It's not often I'll post here but I'm enjoying this QOTW so I'll share my experience of working at the ever so classy establishment known as 'The Goose' in Nottingham.

As many who have lived in Nottingham and had The Goose would know that 'A': it's a shit hole and 'B': it attracts tramps, nutters and every alcoholic thick old smelly bastard Nottingham has to offer. Was a great day when I finally left there.

However one busy Saturday night, after taking shit loads of abuse of these sad old fuckers 11:00pm finally came around. A female colleague had asked a white trashy tattooed chav woman to kindly finish her drink and leave as we were closed. As many of you are aware most filthy chav retards aren't exactly known for being rational (let alone drunken chavs).

Because of my colleagues request "could you finish your drink please as we're closed", said chav woman kicked off and erupted in the biggest rage fit I had ever seen.

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT..." etc
(i'm sure you know what an angry person sounds like).

This then caused the female bouncer to step into action (who like us just had enough of these fuck wits that night), the woman was not reasonable so I'm guessing the bouncer saw little use in trying to reason with this 'walking abortion' and immediately removed her from the bar with force.

Upon doing this chav lady's bowels thought it would be nice to say 'hello' during the activity of being dragged silly out of the bar.
unfortunately she was waring a skirt at the time.

After having the odd plop whilst walking/being dragged she proceeded to argue her case to the bouncers out side of the bar, absolutely red with rage whilst an every now and then to odd poo would plop from her skirt.

at this point she has made a bit of a spectacle and a small crowd gathers around for a bit of entertainment.

"whats up? shit your self?" asked the bouncer

"YES I 'AVE FUCKIN' SHIT MY SELF!" argues chav, she then notices one of her sad loser friends a distance away and shouted...

"SIMO, SIMO, SHE'S MADE ME FUCKIN' SHIT MY SELF!!!" (did I mention small crowd)



The amazing thing is, the next day when the female bouncer arrived for work, shitty chav actually had the cheek return to the bar (let alone return to same town) and give female bouncer the filthiest look ever.

so that was a 1st for me, i had met some one who had shat them selves in public and unbelievably had still felt dignified.



sorry for length etc
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 15:15, More)

» Sexism

ending the studs vs slags debate...
so many times i hear folks commenting how unfair it is to congratulate men who sleep around as studs, and then condemn women who sleep around as slags.

well theres meaning in the madness...

it's hard to be a stud
but it's easy to be a slag
(Mon 28th Dec 2009, 13:43, More)

» Housemates

a good comeback with a lil help from b3ta
this is a long one so please read next post if not keen on length etc.

i'm not sure if it was rob manual who created the animation but it provided me with a great way to annoy some one who, to be fair, was being a complete cunt!

any way, i've been sharing a flat with a girl for last year or so, and to be honest at times things haven't gone swimmingly. for example i was once yelled at/treated like an arse hole for accidentally stepping on glass and bleeding on the carpet, yet it was prob her that left the broken glass on floor. so that gives you the jist of how unreasonable things have been

so if you're still reading, let me tell you a tale of how the best way to get back at some one who is clearly in the wrong and being unreasonable is to simply annoy the feck out of them!

~~~~~~~~~~wavey lines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now and again my flatmate likes to photograph bands and celebrities at signings and gigs. she doesn't have an SLR camera herself so i don't mind her borrowing mine. she doesn't really need to ask if she can borrow it, i'm usually a good natured person and this has often been taken advantage of.

one month she photographed one celebrity at a gig and used up all memory of two 1 gig memory cards, 2 weeks later i needed the camera and both memory cards to go on holiday with. so naturally i deleted all pics on memory card and went off on my merry way.

2 months later we went for a drink at bar after work, she asked me if i had put the pics on her PC. "dunno" says i, "i can hardly remember what i did 2 minutes ago let alone 2 months", she protested "but they're important, i expected you to put them on my PC!". now why would she ever expect such a thing!? pretty much was a crap visit to the pub as all the time i was warned "i'm not gonna be happy if they aren't on my PC" despite the fact if was her responsibility!

so eventually we got home and i looked on her PC to see if i had saved the pics 2 months prior, from looking initially i couldn't find them so i assumed that i hadn't put them on her PC and deleted them from my memory cards.

all hell broke loose in the flat, "YOU FUCKIN' CUNT, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!?", "I WANT YOU OUT OF THIS FUCKIN' FLAT", "JUST DON'T TALK TO ME, I'M READY TO FUCKIN HIT YOU!" (these were all her words, not mine), again she protested "THESE PICTURES WERE IMPORTANT!", but surely if they were that important she would have saved the pictures her self and not remember them 2 months later.

all this time i tried to remind her that she was using MY camera and MY memory cards and she can forget using them in future. some one else's pictures are really not my responsibility, it was just tough luck really.
plus it ain't my PC to save anything on. but accepted NO responsibility and according to her it was all my fault!

"YOU FUCKIN ABSENT MINDED CUNT, HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!?!?!", doors were slamming, feet were stomping and faces were reddening with rage.... believe me it was quite a performance!

again may i remind you, i really don't think i did anything wrong, like i mention i'm usually a good natured person and offer help to most people pretty much all the time, so i think she kinda expected me to save the pics as a duty and not as a favour.

she then proceeded to get on phone to her boyfriend and slag me to him "I'M FUCKIN SICK OF HIM, DELETED MY PHOTOS" etc, then got on phone to landlady all within earshot to both vent her frustrations and to piss me off.

later when her boyfriend arrived they escaped out of my way into her bedroom, through the walls i could hear the rage as she ranted about how "selfish" i was (i mean come on, the memory cards belong to me, i'll do what i like). things quietened down so i can only assume that they were having a little hanky-panky in there.

so how did b3ta help with this matter?

well when things were quiet i went back to look on her PC for one final look for the pictures... they were there, the reason why i didn't notice them is because they weren't saved under celeb's name. i'm really crap with recognising celebs cos well... doesn't really interest me. so 2 month prior it turns out that i did save the pics under a folder with generic name like 'celeb pics' or something like that.

of course i was happy, yet still fuming but needed a way to milk this. simply telling her after that performance wasn't good enough. i needed a way to make her feel like a total idiot!

so i went on b3ta to cool down a little, when i noticed it... the perfect come back to the argument...

www2.b3ta.com/lets-fist-again/

thinking that she was prob in her room having a lil "private time" with her boyfriend i thought this was about as perfect as i could find. knowing this would play in a loop i turned the volume up really loud and knew it would be extra annoying at the "OWW-OW" parts of the song.

with this song playing in a loop i put the pictures she assumed were deleted in a slide show, looping along with the song.

then... then well just fucked off to the pub with it playing.

only regret is not being there to see the egg on her face as she rages out of her bedroom to see that she had behaved like a complete and utter twat!

so thanks for the song b3ta, will always remain a classic to me :)



sorry for length
(Tue 3rd Mar 2009, 15:35, More)