» Personal Ads

The Little Blue Pill
I've had my fair share of internet dates, some good some bad but I will continue.

This is the story of David and my only blind date. My friend, since discovered as dyslexic, said we would get on as at 45 he is young acting, really interesting stories from his travels and had a laugh like mine. Alas no photo but he was ok.

We met at The British Museum and my heart sunk when he held up the paper I'd asked him to bring. In reality, he was 54, wore slip-on shoes and at a couple of years younger than my parents this wasnt a situation I was comfortable with.

I thought I may as well go ahead with the date as there were a few exhibitions I'd wanted to see so we had a coffee then went downstairs to begin.

It started well and I was enjoying his stories of travelling, we were building a rapport and I thought it wasn't too bad a date even if it wouldn't go anywhere.

I was concerned about the white bits that built up around his mouth and the eye watering habit that meant he kept dabbing with his hankie but then I noticed he was getting frisky.

Frisky in that he was pressing himself up against me. So began a game of dodge his hands around Africa, keep at least a plinth between us when we get to Japan and dont bend to read the small writing when we get to Greece.

All was revealed when he said in a breathless voice "I took the opportunity to take this little blue pill so we can have some fun later".

Strangely I didnt run then, parents brought me up to be polite. I said goodbye to him at the bus stop (the wrong one which took me ages to get off), dodged his goodbye kiss and then ignored all his calls. I have also disowned said friend who had a laughing fit when I told him the story.
(Fri 14th Sep 2007, 23:33, More)

» Other people's diaries

East Anglia Not Dull
Recently used my flatmate's computer where the auto-correct option in google came up with "gay men" as I typed the letter g so I went through the alphabet hoping for more but nada.

In the 90's I left my home town to work for the same company in a city in East Anglia. Coming from the bright lights of Birmingham, I thought this place was deadly dull unless you're a student and it is but if you know where the fun is to be had, it's not too bad.

The office I worked in had been upgraded and everyone now had a personal computer instead of a stand-alone, alas computer security was a bit lax. I'd been given the password to one from a girl who'd left after the break up of her marriage and hadn't used it much except when my boss would ask for correspondence relating to old cases.

One day being bored, I logged on as her and started deleting some of the hundreds of emails she'd left so that I could find the relevant ones easily and got to one which made me look twice at these emails. Her cousin had started temping in the office and had been working as the PA to another manager who I'd known from the office in Birmingham. He was now married and his wife also worked in that office.

The emails between cousins related to:

- where cousin and married man had gone out
- where they'd had sex (office, her car in the outside carpark, toilets {men, womens, pubs and disabled}, desks, chairs, kitchen area, football pitch behind the office, dug-out, underground car park on his bonnet
- whether she'd spat or swallowed (both)
- descriptions of sexual positions (a variety)

So instead of learning a new job, I spent days reading the emails of an affair that had begun a few months before I'd arrived. It all made sense why they were so pally, always going for cigarettes together, conversations stopping as soon as you joined them etc etc(I was naive).

Anyway, I went back to Brum for a week and came back to find out that all hell had broken loose. Someone else had had access to her password and found one of the emails and printed a choice few leaving them around the office. Temp was sacked, marriage broken up, ex-colleague's name was mud for not saying anthing. The office was a hive of energy for a few weeks and an interrogation ensued by my boss. Luckily I had been away and as the new girl I was more or less exempt.

Recently met my old boss from that job and we got talking about the old days and she confessed it was her who had grassed them up. She'd gone in and seen the emails which now that there were fewer in the in-box were easily noticeable amongst the policy headed one, had read those in the outbox and took some pleasure in wreaking havoc. Unknown to me, she'd always hated ex-colleague who was a bit prettier, knew it, used it to get the man and a grand pay rise.

I also used to read my sister's diary, knew the day she lost her virginity to a bf who had a small cock (her words). Could never look at him in the same way and neither could she as she ended it soon after the event.
(Sat 3rd Feb 2007, 13:25, More)

» Will you go out with me?

Never been any good at it
He'd asked me out a few times and I would always say no, lets just be friends. He made me a mix tape, cant remember what was on it but by then a little strumpet was cosying up to him and I didn't like it one bit so I gave him his mix tape back.

Cunningly I'd recorded Eternal Flame by The Bangles on it. It worked somehow, as we went to Alton Towers the following weekend, then the pub and were an item at the end of the evening without a word being said.

It will be 20 years next month to the date we went to AT but as neither of us asked each other out, we're not really together.
(Thu 28th Aug 2008, 22:25, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Imperial Attack
As student, funds were in short supply. So when young Brumdee and beau decided that a night of fun was to be had, we chose the mightly titled Imperial Hotel in the city centre.

Located on Bennetts Hill, it was a £20 a night fleapit with broken windows in the rooms, tramps and alcoholics sitting downstairs in reception, wallpaper peeling off walls but we didnt care. Most important factors were that it was away from both sets of parents and no young brothers and sister trying to get into your room to see what you're doing.

Not sure if it was the damp or the ardour but Mr Brumdee had a full on asthma attack leading us to get an ambulance to take him to the hospital.
(Sat 19th Jan 2008, 1:20, More)

» My first experience of porn

My Uncles
Me, my sisters and cousins used to go to my grandparents during the school holidays.

My two youngest uncles lived at home til their mid twenties but lived with gfs or stayed out partying with friends and were hardly home. Their rooms were kept as if they still lived there but we would sleep in their beds when staying over. Being an old fashioned house, built in the 20s(?) the rooms had air vents which looked like an open bank slot (if that helps)high up on the wall and one day after trying to block them up to stop too much air coming in, discovered a porn mag which I promptly showed to my cousin. We spent a long time poring over them to figure out what these positions were.

My gran also found the hidden treasure under one of the mattresses which covered the base of the bed and burnt them on a bonfire to teach him a lesson, it took us four trips to get all the mags, bar the few we kept back for said uncle.
(Tue 30th Jan 2007, 11:40, More)