» Customers from Hell

Candle Woman
I had many fun experiences at my old workplace. This one involved a very nice lady who wanted to buy some candles. This was at about 6.45pm and we closed at seven.

She grabbed about ten candles, paid promptly and left. We were getting ready to close and basically not doing any more work because we couldn't be bothered when this woman appeared frantic and extremely angry.

In her hand, she was clutching the ten candles all of which were either split in two or looked pretty chewed up.

I asked her what the matter was and if she was okay? To which she replied, "No, I'm fucking not, these fucking candles are fucking faulty."

It's pretty hard to find a faulty candle. They are a wick surrounded by wax, which you then light.

Anyway, she continued through gritted teeth,
"I went back to the pub where I am having a party for my daughter. I put these candles onto the candelabra and they have split in half!!!"

At this point I wondered why the merry fuck she had split ALL of them. Why didn't she stop after the first?

"I want my money back!!!"

This was going to be tricky. A customer can't really have a refund if they openly admit to destroying the goods...

I explained that we do sell candles that are designed to put on spikes, but they weren't the ones.

"I want my fucking money back!!!"

I used a line I reserved only for the biggest idiots. "Please will you leave."

"You jumped up prick" was the screamed response.

I walked to the door and held it open. "Get out please"

"You bunch of fuc...." and she had gone.

We laughed our heads off and generally agreed that had she pulled the right faces and admitted her mistake, we probably would have given her some free replacements.

Then, just as the lights went off and we had our coats on, a face appeared at the door and an angry wax coated hand started banging on the glass. "I want some fucking candles!!!!!"

I envy the woman. If this is her idea of a total crisis, her life must be a piece of piss...

Next time readers - the man who I asked to leave because he was blatantly shoplifting who replied, "You'll have to kill me first."
(Sun 7th Sep 2008, 11:16, More)

» Ripped Off

T-Mobile
I just rang T-Mobile to ask if they would upgrade my phone as my current one is falling to peices.

They said that due to my 18 month contract which ends in June, they can't do anything and anyway it's not their problem as they 'didn't make the phone'.

Then the guy asked me if-
'A friend had a phone I could borrow?'

It's a good job it wasn't face to face. I may have killed.
(Fri 16th Feb 2007, 12:44, More)