b3ta.com user tomfantastic
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» Mistaken Identity

Went round Ikea in a blue T shirt
Elderly gent comes up and asks whether I know if they were going to open up more of the tills at the checkout I politely say I don't know. He gets a bit annoyed at me. I get annoyed at him expecting me to know things about the inner workings of Ikea and say "Well, I don't work here!" sharply back to him.
He says "oh, don't you? Sorry" and leaves me alone.
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 11:38, More)

» Insults

A friend of mine gets a bit grumpy when he's drunk.
At a house party he once took a particular disliking to one chap, who he persisted in claiming was in fact a woman. After several accusations of femininity, the poor fellow tried to rationally defend himself, saying "look, I'm not a woman. I've got a penis."
To which my friend replied, "That's not a penis, it's a three inch clitoris."
(Wed 10th Oct 2007, 14:10, More)