» Pet Peeves

Fuckin sexist women
Why is it that on that kinda bueno advert it is wholly acceptable for those horrible, perving, whore bags to lay a trap for that poor waiter, who is only trying to do his job, for the sole purpose to get him to bend over for their sexual gratification?

Imagine, if you will, if the roles were reversed. Fuck me!!!!
Court case, compensation, sexual offender’s register. Even if it were just an advert, can you imagine the sheer volume of complaints
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. Why is it a light hearted joke if its a women committing the offence?
AHHHHHHHHHH it’s burning my fuckin brain just thinking about it.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 10:09, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

Sex (on the alter) Before Marriage
A couple of years ago my girlfriends Nan had a birthday party at one of these hotels that does functions such as birthday parties and marriages. After way too many drinks me and the misses decided that a little drunken sex was required and not having a room at the hotel we had to find somewhere else suitable to get it on.

We went for a little wonder around the back corridors of the hotel and stumbled on a nice quite function room with a nice big table at one end. That will do very nicely, we thought. I'll spare you the details but its safe to say we succeeded in what we set out to do.

A few years later her mum was getting married in the same hotel, we thought nothing of our drunken shenanigans until we were all summoned to the room where the marriage was to be performed. As we walked down the corridor I had a sneaking suspicion I'd been there before. On entering the room it hit me straight away, this was the room we got busy in. Not only that, the nice big sturdy table that we used was in fact the alter and was now the nicely decorated centre piece of the marriage.

My misses was a bridesmaid and had to stand at the front and face the fact that she had defiled her own mothers wedding alter while I was sat on the front row sniggering.

Whilst not a church so technically not a proper alter I still got it on on the table where her mother swore her undying love to someone.
(Fri 2nd Sep 2011, 16:10, More)

» Shoplifting

More Porn....
When I was well below the legal age to buy gentlemen’s reading material me and a mate desperately wanted to get our hands on the above mentioned. Due to our boyish good looks and not having any older relatives to buy for us we needed a cunning and daring plan to solve our pervy needs. Basically, we came up with the idea of nicking them from the local shop.

The plan was for me to go into the shop and ask for a qtr. of choc nibbles, these being the sweets on the highest shelf, causing the old lady to go out back and retrieve the ladder. Then my mate would slip his hand through the door, the magazine and paper stand being right next to the door, and lift some top shelf goodness.

It worked like a dream, we were one jazz mag up with a qtr. of choc nibbles to eat while admiring the female form.
(Thu 10th Jan 2008, 13:59, More)

» My Biggest Disappointment

An Ostrich and Thomas the Tank Engine
When I was little, about 3 or 4, I was the biggest Thomas the Tank Engine fan ever. You name it, I had it, from shoes and socks to undies and jumpers. I lived and breathed Thomas.
Anyway, one day my Nan took me to the local bird sanctuary/zoo type establishment for a good day of bird spotting. I was all wrapped up nice and warm with the crowning glory going to my Thomas bob hat. I looked the snizzle schizzle, I can assure you.

Then my little world ended.

I had spotted a very big bird and fascinated by its size ran straight to its enclosure. It was an ostrich and boy did it see me fucking coming. Childish glee and delight soon dissolved into sheer horror.
The ostrich took a fancy to my bobble and thinking it looked tasty ripped my hat off my head and devoured the thing whole before my very eyes.

I'm sure I don't need to explain how disappointing that situation was or how disappointed the ostrich must have been shitting out a full woolly hat. Either way, I hope some cunt fucinkg cunted that fucking twat of a bird.
(Wed 2nd Jul 2008, 16:46, More)

» Evil Pranks

Poo on your car
Very drunk and very late one night I walked down someone’s drive and deposited a fat steamer on their car bonnet. I still to this day walk past the house and think of the look on the poor bastards face.

If you live near Chain Lane in St. Helens and know of a car that got pooed on a few years ago, please get in touch, I really wanna know how they went about cleaning it.

Length? half the length of the bonnet of a ford fiesta.
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 16:02, More)