» My Arch-nemesis

I was someones Arch-nemesis...
Down the pub on new years eve a few years ago, I spot an old mate of mine - a bird I used to sit next to at work at some shit call centre years ago. As we were chatting, she mentioned that she was with her husband and wanted to introduce him to me. She eventually tracked him down and dragged him over to meet me. Turns out its a guy I used to go to school with, a dude called Peter.

"Alright Peter, long time no see! Hows things, haven't seen you since school etc, etc.." I started, along with all the usual pleasantries reserved for seeing an old aquaintance who you had pretty much forgotten about.

"Yeah, alright" said Peter, rather frostily, before mumbling something to his wife and shuffling off to the rest of his group.

I weren't too bothered about it, the bloke was only ever a casual aquaintance when we went to school - I didn't really give a fuck about him. His Mrs, Dawn, was a bit pissed off about his rudeness, but I said "Don't worry about it, I'll see you a bit later, yeah?" and joined the rest of my mates and pretty much forgot about it all.

A few hours later, Peter approached me and said "Look, it's gonna be a new year in a few hours, lets say we bury the hatchet and let bygones be bygones. Im prepared to forget everything thats gone on if you are etc, etc" or words to that effect.

"What you talking about, Pete?" I said.

"You know, all the history, we're both adults now, lets say we put it all in the past now?" was his reply.

I'm confused now, I'm sure he has me mixed up with someone else.

"Seriously Pete, what are you banging on about?" I said.

Now Peter looked confused and said "But we have aways been rivals, all the way through school, college, theres always been that tension between us!"

This truly was a revelation to me, as I said before, Peter and I had only ever been aquaintances, neither friend nor enemy. Or so I thought!

It turns out that way back in the day, when we were in a year 8 English class or something, I said something that made him look like a bit of a tit in front of the class. I don't even remember saying it, it was just a throw away comment. Apparantly, Peter hadn't forgot, 15 years on!

For most of our time a school together , he had considered me his arch nemesis, his main rival, all because I said something that upset him when he was 12!. I had no idea that he felt this way about me, I alway thought things were cool between us, his attempts at revenge must have been pretty lame 'cos I never even noticed them. Apparantly, this just wound him up further.

While we had been having this conversation, Dawn had come to join us and was listening in and seemed to find it all a bit amusing.

"You know, at the school I went to" she chipped in, "if any of they guys had a problem with someone else, they would just have a word or a scrap and deal with it there and then. It was only the girls who would let things fester like that!"

This was too much for Peter, he made his excuses and re-joined his mates and avoided me for the rest of the evening. I guess the one sided rivalry will continue...not that I give a shit!
(Thu 29th Apr 2010, 16:25, More)

» Phobias

Needles....
....syringes, to be presice. I have no problem with going to the doctors to get a jab, thats a nice clean needle, stuck in my arm by a professional. Iv'e no probs with the whopping great needle the dentist sticks into your gum when you need a tooth drilled. I've certainly got no problem with the needles that my mum used to fix the clothes that I used to ruin as a kid....

No, I have a real phobia...if thats the right word.. for the dirty, filty needle that used to litter the streets. I guess it comes from my generation, if you remember the AIDS adverts of the 1980's then chances are you are the same.

I remember doing my paper round at the age of about 13 (maybe?) and treading on a used smack needle. I remember the sound it made and the mess it made. Even though I was wearing thick bovver boots at the time, I remember the sole of my foot feeling tender and exposed. Just the very thought of the needle going into me was too much.

I threw up, there and then, on the spot. You know what? if I was to do the same again today, Id probably yak again.
(Thu 10th Apr 2008, 20:41, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Unnecessary swearing.
And I do mean unnecessary.

If a football slams into your testicles at pace, you are quite justified to exclaim "Oooh, fucking hell, that hurts". If your boss sacks you for something you didn't do, no-one is is going to complain if you refer to him as a "Bastard","Arsehole" or even as a "Fucker". If some random thug on the street gives you a kicking and robs you of your money, you're damn right, the guys a cunt.

What I don't approve of is the use of the most explicit language for the most mundane incidents. If someone (ie: a celebrity, journalist, an aquaintance or a stranger on the street) acts in a way that irritates you, or has different beliefs to you, it doesn't make them "a massive, total, cunt". That is a complete over reaction, it doen't make you look big or clever, or even cool and edgy. It just makes you look like either an uneduacted oik who can't think of an intelligent way to express yourself without swearing, or a drama queen who blows off at the slightest little thing.

"Cunt" used to be a great word, but its overuse has now diluted it to such an extent that it doesn't really shock anymore. Newer words don't have the same pure, raw, one-syllable punch that cunt once had, so think before you swear, think of how it makes you look.
(Fri 9th Apr 2010, 13:55, More)