» I witnessed a crime

JUSTICE......
About a year ago I was in the ladies toilets of a rock bar in town and doing my lipstick in the mirror when a man came in and stood by the door.

He seemed quite drunk so I presumed that he had made a mistake and I directed him to the gents and away he went.

I carried on doing my lipstick and the door opened again. It was the same guy. He just stood there so I told him sharply to get out of the ladies toilets.

He responded to this by punching me in the face and hitting my head against the dryer and then repeatedly kicking me whilst I was down. He then grabbed me by my hair and tried to get me into a cubicle and lock the door.

There was no way that I was prepared to be in an enclosed space with him. I have 6 brothers and I am quite accustomed to getting out of tight grasps/awkward situations so I managed to wriggle free quite a few times.

However, every time I did so (and almost reached the door to my escape) he would grab me again and get me into the cubicle again!

I eventually got free and managed to get through the door and to my dash for freedom

The toilets in the pub are down some stairs so I ran up them and my attacker had to push past me to get away. I tried to grab his leg as he went past (it’s a narrow stairway) but he kicked me back. I ran the rest of the stairs and screamed blue murder.

Some (pretty hard) male friends of mine heard and saw the guy flee and made chase. They caught him up the road (after seeing him throw my purse and mobile – he’d somehow robbed that as well as beating me up and trying to rape me) and gave him what for. They broke his ribs and jaw and although I am not a violent person myself I think he got what he deserved.

I know some people will think it’s wrong to take the law into your own hands but to attack a young woman in a ladies restroom for no reason at all is beyond belief and I dread to think how far he would have taken things had I not escaped.

I just hope it taught him a lesson.
(Tue 19th Feb 2008, 16:07, More)

» Dumb things you've done

This one is REALLY dumb!

At a works Xmas do a couple of years ago, my kind bosses had taken us all for a nice meal at a very nice Chinese restaurant on the outskirts of Leeds.

The wine was flowing freely and there was a free bar and everyone was quite merry and in the Christmas spirit, when towards the end of the evening the gentleman who plays Eric Pollard in Emmerdale came into the restaurant for a meal.

I’m a sucker for a bet and my colleagues know this only too well. They decided that it would be a good idea to dare me to ask Mr. Pollard to sign my breasts.

Full of booze and confidence I did just that and there and then he did just that!

My colleagues were all doubled over and took lots of pics. The sad thing is at the time I was really proud of myself and messaged my rocker boyfriend and all my pals thinking it was proper Rock and Roll!

The next day I awoke with a sinking feeling because having Eric Pollard from Emmerdale sign your breasts is probably the most un rock and roll thing in the whole wide world and I had told EVERYBODY!!

The worst thing is that when I returned to work the following Monday my work colleagues took glee in informing me that he was out for a family meal with his wife and kids!!!

OOOHHH THE SHAME!!!!!!!
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 14:37, More)

» Mums

MY MUM
My Mum passed away about a year ago at the tender age of 47 and I’ve just about reached the stage where I can reflect back on her life.

She was a mad un’ my Mum and liked her drink, a lot. To be honest she was a raging alcoholic for most of her adult life.

She was generally offensive and crazy and I can’t tell you the endless nights I had growing up and as a young adult wondering what I had done to deserve such a scary and offensive drunk of her Mother.

Her low points included:

• Leaving me and my elder brother with my Dad when she left him and taking her youngest child (my younger bro).

• Deciding that my younger brother was too much hard work and then swapping him for me.

• Not taking care of me so that neighbours usually fed me and I got myself up and out for school and made my own meals (if and when there was any food in the fridge). I was about 6.

• Regularly waking me up in the middle of the night and making me walk about a mile with her so that she could go visit her male friend.

• Always fighting with her shit head of a boyfriend and eventually going at him with a kitchen knife (no major harm done thankfully, she was too drunk to aim probably and just cut his head).

• Forever throwing ornaments and glass ashtrays at myself and others (again they usually missed, she was a crap aim).

• Still not taking care of me to the extent that I was taken by social workers and placed into foster care. I was about 7.

• Not visiting me or sending any cards/letters for the year or so that I spent in care

• Not visiting either of her parents in hospital when they were dying and not attending her own Mum’s funeral.

Good points included:

• Having me over to stay every weekend after I was removed from care (aged 8-9) and was living with my arse hole Father (who was even worse than my Mother but that’s another story) .

• Really cutting down drinking later in life and eventually getting rid of her crappy, bad influence of a boyfriend.

• Getting her house smart and tidy and liveable toward the end of her life.

• Spending quality time with me during her last few years on Earth. She couldn’t say she was sorry but I knew she was. She got me some small gifts that meant so much and that I’ll always treasure.

• Taking me shopping as an adult and catching up on those missed years.

• Always listening and supporting me in my later years.

• Taking in my younger brother as an adult and leaving her house to him in her will (I always look out for my little bro, habit since taking care of him growing up, so I wanted him to be secure when Mum passed).

I don’t hate my Mum for giving me an unconventional upbringing. I figure that it has made the person I am today. I have a good life and a great job and I’m engaged to a lovely guy. We’re saving for a house and then we’ll look at having children. I consider myself to be lucky despite my harder start to life.

RIP MUM

(Sorry for length and lack of funnies but I’ve needed to get that off my chest for a while now)
(Thu 11th Feb 2010, 16:47, More)

» Buses

BUS LANE BASTARD
One of my biggest driving aggravations is drivers who use the bus lane when it’s in effect. I see bastards flying down it nearly every day whilst I and most over good drivers queue in the correct lane of traffic.

A bus driver made my day recently when a car driver blatantly used the bus lane all the past a busy line of traffic.

The bus driver honked at him all the way down the bus lane until we reached the normal traffic lane again.

The car driver had nowhere to go and clearly didn’t like been embarrassed. His male passenger got out of the car and pressed the door open button and was arguing with the bus driver as to what the problem was (Dickhead!!) and was told that his driver pal had flounted the rules and ridden in the bus lane for the most of his car journey.

The guy was giving it some and generally being an argumentative jerk whilst the driver just kept is cool and reminded him that the bus had a camera on the front and that he’d be sending the footage off his pal riding in the bus lane to the Police (I’m not sure for definite but I think it’s a £60 fine penalty).

This was enough for the guy to scuttle off back to his car.

Thanks bus driver x
(Tue 30th Jun 2009, 17:02, More)

» Dumb things you've done

MYSTERIOUSLY VANISHING PIZZA RIDDLE
Sorry ‘bout this but they just keep coming!

A few years back I got back to my Mums house from a night on the pish and decided to make some food. I was pretty trashed and it was more day than night after a heavy night out clubbling.

I decided a pizza would do the job and duly made the pizza, took the pizza up to bed and than ate the pizza.

I was woken a few hours later by the sound of my angry Mother shouting and telling me to get my ass downstairs straight away.

She was in the kitchen and not very happy at all about the charcoal reamins of pizza under the grill.

Now, this was very confusing to me as I remember taking the pizza upstairs and eating it.

I took my Mum upstairs and showed her my empty plate and explained that I had no idea how the charcoal pizza got there.

Thinking back, the only explanation is that I was so wankered from my nights antics that I came home, put a pizza under the grill, took my empty plate upstairs and imagined eating the pizza. My friends still take the piss now.

But then again - Who turned the grill off and how come the house didn’t set on fire if I had left the pizza there and taken an empty plate upstairs?

I guess I'll never know.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 14:17, More)