» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Working with tards
Many years ago, I worked in with the mentally handicapped (as they were known then) when care in the community came along (and they became clients exhibiting challening behaviour). One of our clients was a right stroppy bugger, and we had a thing like a childs reins that was really a short webbing strap with a velcro loop on one end (round his wrist) and a handle on the other (in the carers(!) hand. Stopped him running off, acting about etc a treat. No need to discipline, drag or whatever him, just the thing round his wrist and he behaved

Berkshire Social Services said we weren't to use it. First time out, under a car (minor injuries) he got up, and slammed into a bus (major dead)

Nice one. More to follow.
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 19:19, More)

» Stupid Dares

Cruelty to teachers
Our teaching block at school had just been renovated over the summer holidays - something to do with asbestos in the original construction, and all was shiny, new and repainted - including the blackboards.

Just before holidays ended, me and a few friends had dared each other to go go for the most mindless act of vandalism in the new building we could think of.

I was in school early (shat the bed or something) so was the first one in in our form room, also the class for my first lesson (Maths, with Mr Woollett).

Taking a compass, scratched "wanker" on the blackboard, then "still a wanker on the second", and finally "This one's fucked as well" on the third. Come lesson time, Woollett didn't notice the scratches, rubbed out the chalk and it all gathered in the "wanker". Cue sniggers, same on the second, laughter this time. Third time, class is in hysterics.

Mind you, the dare was unnecessary, I'm just a nasty little twat at heart.
(Mon 5th Nov 2007, 15:15, More)

» Stupid Dares

Fire!
Just saw Greencoulds post on page 2, and it reminded me ...

Germany, 1988 (or thereabouts) and I was attached to a bunch of Royal Engineers on exercise. Refusing to take the defense of europe seriously, we had a bit of party going - beers, bonfire etc and it came to pass that some sapper dared a drunk sergeant to jump the fire, so he did, badly.

Tripping over a log, he landed face first in a shower of sparks, right in the centre. He got pulled out, combat dress on fire (nasty mark 2 stuff that went up in flames straight away, not the bullet proof mark 1's I had), skin peeling off his face and hands.

I was sat there pissing myself laughing, until I was reminded that I was actually the medic, specially attached to them for just this kind of eventuality, and would I mind doing something.
(Mon 5th Nov 2007, 15:29, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Working with tards, again
Not so much clients this time, and how they were treated/referred to, but the staff.

I was a unit manager for a challenging behaviour unit, and we had a periodic staff review, as mandated by Berkshire County Council Social Services (Arseholes and idiots, apart from the girl from IT I was poking for a while).

Anyway, my staff did their reviews, they were the usual bunch of misfits you'd expect to find working there. The 2 nigerian girls both said I was racist towards them (actually, I just wanted then to do the work I had set and they had signed off on), and the long haired arty type said I was unfair to him as he was effeminate, all three noted that this was because I was an ex squaddie and "they're like that".

Hauled in before the boss (good bloke actually) and various others. The master card I pulled?

"Actually Paul, my girlfriend is from Trinidad ,and here's a photo of us, and the mate I am sharing a house with is a rampant gay"

Apology? was there fuck.

I got a parting shot in. Told them "I don't care about colour or anything, a fucking idiot is a fucking idiot, but I'll hate the French just for being french" the last part said looking at the (French) area manager.
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 23:03, More)

» Call Centres

The Season has started
A couple of relevant notes.

I run an IT support company in Barcelona (as previously noted, looking after a fair few spankshops), obviously concentrating on the English market.

This time of year, language schools are banging the phones drumming up trade.

As small businesses go, we have a shit hot phone system, what with being Panasonic PBX installers and all, and as the office is in the house, then the house is in the same system but with a different number, though calls can be go from one side to the other if you press the right buttons

Points to note done. So, I'm beavering away in the office ("beavering" in this case being looking at big hairy one scourtesy of Usenet) and the phone rings, as it is want to do.

Them: Hello, I'm calling from xyz language school, are you interesting in learning English?
Me: You've been through the IVR, where you got the option to press 2 for english- do you think we'd have that as an option if we couldn't speak it
Them: Oh, OK. What about Computers then? That's a useful thing to know about
Me: We're an IT company, as is mentioned in the company name in the first welcome message in the IVR, then again in the menu letting you choose "talk to the duty tech"
Them.What about German then?
Me: Ich lebte im Dusseldorf für 2 jahre, und dachten die Deutschen, dass ich war deutsch.
Them: So you don't want any lessons then.
Me. No, not today

within a minute the phone rings again. Thanks to consecutive number blocks, it's them again, this time calling the number that by default gives all the exact same options, but in English instead of Spanish. Yes, they asked if I wanted lessons in English before realising. Soon after than fax number rang, then the phone again, showing my direct nubmber that skips the IVR, but does play a message in Spanish then English saying to hang on for the duty tech while the desk phone rings before passing the call to my mobile if I don't pick up. I answered giving the company name, there comes a pause on the other end

Them. It's you again isn't it
Me: Yes
Them: Have you got anymore numbers I shouldn't bother ringing?

I gave her the numbers she hadn't rung yet, then told her I did actually have a friend that was interested in English, and transferred the call ...

... to my German friend that runs a language school.

It happens every year and goes on for about 3 or 4 weeks. Sometimes my missus gets them on the house number, but this year I think I'll start transferring them to the phone in the kids playroom and see what they make of bilingual computer literate (sort of) 6 and 4 year olds
(Tue 8th Sep 2009, 1:41, More)