» Workplace Boredom

Ambulance Bingo
Opposite my office is an old folks retirement complex/village. We bet on how many ambulances in a week will roll up.

It accidentally got dropped into conversation with my nan a few weeks ago. She now plays this with fellow pensioners in her retirement flat... She's brilliant =)
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 14:05, More)

» Nativity Plays

the glittery nose incident
Nativity plays at my primary school were famed for being utter disasters. I think this was one of the major draws of going to see them.

Apart from the obvious set 'malfunctions', children crying, bleeding, beating all that is holy out of each other with baby jesus and forgetting lines, there is one memory that sticks out that will haunt me and my nose for the rest of time.

Our primary school was really in the middle of nowhere, as was the village we lived in. Our school nativity often had real sheep and cows and even a donkey and were held in a large barn, courtesy of one of the local farmers.

Lucy, Jennie and I all looked the same. We were short, had long blonde curly hair, somewhat angelic little faces and did everything together. We were always picked to be angels or stars in the nativity.

We were big shiny stars in this one. We opened the nativity by coming out, singing silent night and sprinkling glitter.

The previous Joseph, was now the Innkeeper, being demoted after the infamous 'Jesus Bashing' incident, was bitter. You could see it in his eyes, the hate rising. All the teachers started to look flustered, all they wanted was for one nativity to go well...

After one rendition of silent night, and half way through the narrator's speech, he kicked a donkey. And the donkey headbutted back. Not the Innkeeper though. It butted me.

A fistful of glitter blinded the left half of the front row and I landed flat on my face with Jennie. Then we get trampled by two dozen kids and a sheep scrambling over us and screaming to get out of the barn.

I broke my nose and to add insult to injury, when I had finally scraped myself off the floor, ripped of the ridiculous amount of tinsel from my ruined star costume, cupped my hands around my, now slightly flatter and very glittery, bloody nose, I was told that "it was fine, no one else got hurt.."
(Thu 26th Mar 2009, 23:34, More)

» Insults

I used to work in...
a local community college with teenagers with special needs. My favourite insult was from one of my students, upon spying a girl who, perhaps, a little rotund for what she was wearing, uttered the phrase 'well she looks like two pounds of shit in a one pound bag'
Hes is now officially one of my heros...
(Wed 10th Oct 2007, 9:42, More)

» Phobias

the usual
Butterflies - My next door neighbour told me when I was really young that butterflies were the souls of dead children... nice...
Twins - I live with one which is fine, freak out when his brother comes over though, their not even identical...
Foxgloves - Used to have them in my garden, until a giant bee came out of one and stung me when I was weeding
Tiny Rectuangular Post-It Notes - Fine with the big ones, put a little one on my desk and I have to remove it to the bin with two pencils used like chopsticks which is why my desk is populated with flower shaped ones, pink ones and green ones, the threat of a big yellow one torn in two is an imminent threat but so far hasnt happened...
(Fri 11th Apr 2008, 16:59, More)