» Controversial Beliefs

I believe that a handful of cretinous internet bullies have reduced qotw to a steaming pile of wank
I doff my cap to the few who still try to post funny, relevant stories because they do it with the almost certainty that they will be pilloried by the same people over and over :(
(Thu 25th Apr 2013, 15:12, More)

» Sex Toys

How about a large floor-based piece of running machinery?
Technocore's story below reminded me of this beauty from the Darwin awards.

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.
(Wed 23rd May 2012, 8:43, More)

» First World Problems

I am annoyed that a certain amount of people have made this site like a clique
that is now unusable by regular b3tards, thusly making it a playground for cuntish cunts to work their cunt-tastic magic.

If I get more annoyed I may make a list...
(Wed 7th Mar 2012, 15:06, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

I'm currently drunk at work.
I'm rubbish at my job, but I'm cheap. In accordance with this policy, my employers have made several 'competent' employees redundant to 'cut costs', and they now have me instead.

Makes you feel proud.
(Tue 28th Feb 2012, 16:04, More)

» Driven to Madness

Perspective
I was going to say that I hate it that people have posted about pet peeves, minor gripes and general annoyances. Hardly 'driven to madness' is it?

Then again, I just read an article about our latest celeb-nonce, Freddie Starr. During his attempt to deflect blame he was quoted saying that Peadophiles were a 'pet peeve' of his.

A fucking 'pet peeve'? He makes it sound like kiddyfiddling is up there with mixing the knives and forks in your cutlery drawer. I hope he dies a bit.
(Wed 10th Oct 2012, 9:58, More)