» Voyeurism

Crap film crap blowjob
Me and the now ex missus went to the cinema earlier this year to watch a film believe it or not. This was a regular thing because basically we didn't have a lot in common and we both in it for the sex and as this activity involved not much in the way of chit chat it suited me fine. For some reason she always got pretty horny about 10 minutes into a film (ended up walking out of Norbit in favour of a bit of rumpy pumpy) which usually resulted in me fighting her off my fly zip whilst she tried to undo it and get my cock out in the crowded theater until the film had finished and we could drive somewhere a bit more secluded to steam up the windows on my car (some of the places were not that secluded in hindsight and I'm pretty sure we must have been spotted). Well one night we made the mistake of going to watch quite possibly the most boring and uninteresting film I have ever seen at the cinema (Curse Of The Golden Flower) and as a result there was bugger all people in there, must have been about 3 other people scattered around. The usual thing happened 10 minutes into the film so I had to fend her off whilst I tried to get into the film but try as I might i just couldn't enjoy it. So I gave in fighting half way through the film. I have a quick scan of the theater to make sure no one is in the vicinity and before I know it my zip is down and my cock is out with my ex going to work on a nice teeth scraping blow job (she was shite at oral bless her). Well this goes on for some time as its difficult to reach a climax when you feel pain and pleasure at the same time, unless you are into that sort of thing, I am not as it happens. So the deed is complete after I finally release a healthy dose of baby batter which my ex swallowed quite willingly whilst moaning. I put the old man away and do my flies up whilst my ex tells me I don't taste too bad and I get a hefty nostril full of spunk smell from her breath so I hand her a minty fresh chewing gum. The film finished, we scarper to steam up the windows and all is good. Next time we go to the cinema however, whilst I get myself comfortable before the lights go down I happen to look at the ceiling to see a number of CCTV camera domes "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" I think to myself as I realise I have unwittingly been the star of the CCTV operators filthy porn viewing for an evening. I happen to mention this to the ex who finds it a turn on (she really was filthy bitch, but before you get excited fellas, she wasn't much of a looker and she had practically no arse, I mean she wasn't the slimmest girl but her arse was basically just a crack at the bottom of her back where it molded into her legs. I love a nice arse on women so this was a complete turn off for me.....but anyway I'm drifting off) and she is begging me for a repeat performance in a crowded theater!. I haven't been back to the cinema since and I couldn't look at the staff on the way out knowing that they had seen my shoot my load for free, if I was in porn I wouldn't mind obviously...I dumped the ex not long after that and i am now very careful to choose when and where I get frisky, actually no I'm not because I have been caught in the headlights of quite a few cars in car parks that I thought wouldn't be in use at 2am.


Length? about 15 minutes of teeth scraping and about 4 days to heal.

P.S. first post, wooo.
(Mon 15th Oct 2007, 1:53, More)

» Desperate Times

Just in time
Back in the days when I had no qualifications or a driving license, the only job available to me was working at Wimpy at Watford Gap Services on weekends as it was only a bike ride away.

This was a terrible job where the staff were very overworked and very underpaid for what we had to put up with. The "food" always had to be cooked to order so there were regularly que's stretching for as far as the eye can see as coach loads of people came in at a time the fill their hungry stomachs with the finest roadside cuisine in Northamptonshire.

Of course, there was also an equally long que of angry people who were sick of waiting for their food which was usually cooked by one person whilst the other member of staff took care of the serving of customers and the handing out of food when its cooked.

We were allowed £8 a day food on our breaks and considering each meal was £5 and upwards, we decided that we would take the piss with what we put into the burgers. these behemoths of meat and salad encased in a fresh sesame seed bun would have cost at least £10 had they been offered to the customers.

After such a feast the previous working day, I started to have quite a bad gut towards the end of my shift, but as I didn't live too far away I decided I could make it back to comfort of my own throne room.

The bike ride home became increasingly uncomfortable as each bump in the road jogged the contents on my colon closer to evacuation earlier than planned. I had to carry my bike up a flight of stairs on the way to my house and I don't think my buttocks have been so tightly clenched since, you could have bent a 50 pence piece in half, and then half again between the cheeks.

I just about made it through the front door and to the downstairs toilet, undoing my Wimpy issue trousers on the way, when my exhausted sphincter gave in as I frantically lifted the toilet seat and turned around to lower my tired cheeks onto the ice cold porcelain without spraying the walls a nice shade of brown.

the toilet was another matter of course. The clean up operation was pretty intensive but the relief was unmeasurable.

I would appologise for length but I spent the time typing it so you can spend the time reading it.
(Mon 19th Nov 2007, 23:07, More)

» Conned

University con
I seems that most universities are conning the students. They really do have some completely useless courses for anyone that wants a qualification that employers are actually looking for.
Us students get thousands of pounds into debt and for what? there is no guarantee of a job at the end of it all. All the employers are looking for experience these days.
Come on universities, get your arses in gear and actually advise students what employers are looking for.
(Wed 24th Oct 2007, 23:20, More)