» Devastating Put-Downs

Fancy Dress Party
one of the secretaries at work was a bit on the large side, and bore a striking resemblance to Fat Pat off 'Stenders. She was going out straight from work one night, and appeared in reception wearing a very short skirt and a feather Boa. when asked what she was going as she said "I'm a Hooker," to which one of the guys replied "You look more like a prop forward to me.
(Sun 27th Nov 2011, 11:34, More)

» Ouch!

Jamacan Balls
I was on My honeymoon in Jamaica, back in the days when Mrs Strokes hadn't surgically removed my wallet. She really wanted to try waterskiing. the training amounted to a one armed bloke in a power boat throwing you a rope, shouting "bend ze knees Maan" and taking off at an increddible pace. 45 mins of falling over. then I got the hang of it. I thought. Knees bent together, Elbows bent, absorb the bounces. I was up. for enough time to get up to about 90 miles an hour. at which point my left leg went left, my right leg went right and my nuts hit the water first. ouch. Possible slighty worse was having to see the huge jamacan nurse who advised my I had had a "Whack in de Bollocks" and I should wear "sportin briffs" "Uh?" "sportin briffs", "uh?" Briffs that gives you sport" "uh?" "Tight pants" explained the doctor.

PS Mrs Strokes didn't have a very good honeymoon either
(Thu 29th Jul 2010, 18:14, More)

» Meeting people from the internet

How I Met Mrs Strokes
We got chatting on Sickipedia. at the time we were both with other people, but both of those relationships were clearly in trouble, which is something we had in common and chatted about. what attracted us to each other was that made each other laugh. I split up with my hag of an ex, and she split up with her wife beating ex con of a twat within about 3 weeks of each other. I was sitting one Saturday afternoon in Essex, Chatting to her online in Portsmouth. So I said why don't I drive down. that was over two years ago. last year I moved to Portsmouth, She's sitting next to me right now and is my soulmate. I love her to bits and cannot imagine ever being without her.
(Sat 22nd Oct 2011, 12:41, More)

» Crappy relationships

When I got a letter from the CSA (Cnuts)
Sorry for swearing, but if you have had any dealings with them you know that you can't say CSA (Cnuts) without swearing
(Thu 21st Oct 2010, 14:59, More)

» How clean is your house?

My Ex
My ex never was much for cleaning, and with four kids and a dog it just got on top of her. So she stopped doing it. I was going to work at 7 in the morning, get home about 7:30 in the evening and start the house work. When we split up she wanted to keep the house. We tried to stay friends, but it didn't happen, and basically she shat on me from a great height. cost me lots of money, and dunped the house and dog on me. after 3 months with no house work down it was a tip.

The sink

The hob

This was how she left the kitchen

The oven

there were maggots living in the lounge carpet
evety door had a hole punched in it, half the wall paper was ripped off


there were holes in the walls.


I'll let you guess what this is, I found them stuffed down the back of the airing cupboard.

The hole house stank. took me months to clean it to a state I could sell it at.
(Sun 28th Mar 2010, 15:49, More)