» Karma

Once I seen a group of Neds, or as you southerners call them Chavs
getting chased out of a Fopp store (they are a small chain of music stores, HMV bought them over after they went out of buisness), a couple of years back.

One of them had stolen a CD and they were running away. They ran onto the main road and one of them got hit by a bus.

The scream was very effete and I just wanted to go on with my shopping, but my friend insisted upon standing there making jibes like he was John Walsh.

The bus was parked upon his leg for a good 15 seconds or so before the driver reversed.
(Wed 27th Feb 2008, 3:48, More)

» Shoplifting

A Newt
I was a kid at a pond with some friends. We were trying to catch some fish with nets. I had caught jack all and my friends (well I say friends, I didn't really have any, these were just people I knew) wandered off.

So I went over to someone elses container which had a couple of newts. I asked around to see who they belonged to to ask if I could borrow them. Not getting an answer, I took them with intent of giving them back later and put them in my container to show off my big catch and get some well-deserved praise!

No-one cared about the newts and I put them back in the pond before leaving. The guy who I borrowed them from clocked me and poured two buckets of the pond water over my head.
(Tue 15th Jan 2008, 1:16, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

My brother
Works in a hotel, I cannot name it, as I shouldn't know this.

Anywhoo, yesterday, my brothers' fiancee was called up to the sauna. She took down the bucket that was there and told him to look. Someone had shat inside the sauna bucket.

My brother donned 3 pairs of gloves and put it down the dsabled toilet, then disposed of thre plastic inlay and he insists that there was still some shit keft in the bucket.

True story.
(Sat 29th Mar 2008, 1:19, More)

» My most treasured possession

My music collection
Or, if I can only take one item from it, my copy of Tight by Mindless Self Indulgence. I can get things re-autographed, but it is the CD that I payed the most for.

My family and photos of my girlfriend can burn.
(Thu 8th May 2008, 13:01, More)

» Your first cigarette

I was completley wasted
SO drunk that I couldn't stand. In the one night, I'd had 4 different types of rum, a cider, a Guiness (I was that wreked that I downed the thing. I HATE beer, lager & ale) and 16 double shots of Amaretto.

I was celebrating my friend being on shore leave and you know what the navy types are like.

So we come to leave and I can't stand. My friends cary me a few miles home. I remember almost none of this, except demanding I be put down for a slash.

Not too long before we get to my house, they realised that if I didn't sober up, they would have to wake my mum. Now, my mum is a very scary person and no-one wanted to wake her. I was way too pissed to get into my house.

My friend decided it would be best if I were to be sick. Now, when I can move, I will never force myself to be sick, I'd rather take the hangover the next day.

So I am handed a cigarette. They thought it would make me vomit. I gathered what their plan was even though I was blootered, because they had been trying to get me to make myself sick for a while.

I inhaled the smoke. I don't think you're meant to do that. They woke up my mum she was cross and I started vomiting in the sink with the water running for me to drink and the plug in. My mum had to put her hand in the sick-water and remove the plug to prevent it from overflowing.

I had a massive hangover the next day and did not leave bed. I swear I could smell the cigarette for days. Horrible.
(Fri 21st Mar 2008, 3:38, More)