» Worst Band Ever

Without doubt it has to be U2.

For not only writing straight down the middle of the road bland wanky shite pop/rock music; but also for being so far up their own asses they're inside out.
There are plenty of awful bands out there, but at least they stand for something other than their own egos.
(Thu 30th Dec 2010, 13:54, More)

» Impulse buys

The exact text message I received from my mate:

"Joe's just got all pissed and bought an 11,000 watt angle grinder off of Ebay. The kind used for cutting up boats!"
(Sat 23rd May 2009, 11:59, More)

» Pointless Experiments

One summer day back when we were about 15,

...me and a couple of friends were out in the village next to us. Small place, but being paranoid as we were we were about half a mile into the nearby woods where we could smoke weed all afternoon without being disrupted.

It had just been raining, and my friend tried to find out what would happen if he chucked a big wet stick up at the pylon above our heads. Now I didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but I knew just how much electricity those things carry, so tried to warn him not to do it. The first couple of times the stick hit one of the wires and nothing happened. Then, he managed to throw it in such a way that it connected with two of the wires at once, shorting the pylon. All I can remember is hearing (literally) the loudest noise of my life, seeing a massive bolt of electricity heading for miles down towards Reading, and then the previously wet stick raining down on us as little bits of fire.

Obviously we shat it, and ran and ran until we were back in the village, only to find that we'd caused a major power cut. The next day the landlord of our local was replacing all of the bulbs outside his pub trying to figure out which ones had blown.

Lesson? Don't play with pylons...
(Sat 26th Jul 2008, 13:27, More)

» Famous people I hate

I'm sorry I've only just had time to check B3ta this week...

...but if Bono doesn't get the most votes I'll be extremely upset.
(Sun 7th Feb 2010, 21:59, More)

» Terrified!

Well, here goes...

The SECONDMOST scared I've ever been was when I was about nine or ten, being pulled along on roller blades on the back of a mate's BMX. He pulled me along the wrong side of the road, around a corner in front of a car. He cycled out of the way, leaving me - arms flailing - to trip and fall over the kerb so that my head went underneath the car. I was led with my cheek to the ground, looking at the car's back wheel coming towards me and expecting iminent death. The reason this was the second scariest moment of my life is that even at that age, in a split second I went from absolute fear to 'well, there's nothing you can do about it, just accept it'. I closed my eyes, and the car wheel stopped half an inch in front of my face.

Moving on, I was working in Sainsbury's when I was sixteen. It was a Sunday, the shop closed at four, and most of the staff were away by six. I was asked to stay on until eight as for some reason there was a lot to do in preparation for the next day. All the doors were locked and there were just four of us in the store - me, the supervisor, another guy out the front and one in the back sorting out the freezers.
I was given some keys and asked to take a DVD player and put it back in the electrical cage. The cage was right at the deepest darkest region of the storeroom, especially as it was very low-lit due to most people already being home. I walked past the two guys out front as well as the one at the freezers - therefore I knew that even though it was eerie walking to the back of this usually busy huge storeroom, I was quite safe.
I found the electrical cage which was too small for itself and quite claustrophobic, brimming over with various electrical items. I fumbled in the dark with the key and eventually managed to find the lock, and, holding the DVD player still under my left arm, went inside.
I reached around in the dark for the lightswitch and eventually found it and flicked the switch. Computer games and CD's were in front of me. As I turned around, I didn't see more electrical stuff, but a man, about 6'2" and quite stocky, stood only a couple of feet behind me. Now with the roller blading incident, I thought to myself, 'don't panic, there's nothing you can do about this'. Here however, again in a split second, I thought, 'panic. He's going to kill you. Do whatever you can to get out of there'. So, as I was holding a DVD player, I launched it at his head before doing a 180 and got the fuck out of there.
I was at this moment - only a second or two after seeing the man, that I realised it was in fact a life-sized cardboard cutout of David Seaman, grinning and holding a football. I had to explain that I'd 'slipped' and dropped the DVD player. I've always had a massive distrust for David Seaman after that.
(Mon 9th Apr 2012, 15:34, More)