» Family codes and rituals

Squeeze my head
When I was but a littlefanny whenever I had to go the loo for a number two I would shout my Mum too come and 'Squeeze my head' (hands either side and squeeze in) as this helped remove the offending poop. (I confess to still doing this whenever a nasty bout of constipation hits)
I also used to call the window cleaner Dad. No reason.
(Fri 21st Nov 2008, 19:59, More)

» Hypocrisy

Immigrants.....
I was always firmly in the camp of ''they' come to our country, they learn the language and adapt to our customs'

I have now been living in a European Country for nearly three years, have no more than the basic (native) language skills (I am pretty fucking good at the swearing though) and presume that everyone speaks English, refuse to eat many of the local foods and only frequent the only English/Irish pub in the whole city rather than go to a local club/cafe/bar.
(Fri 20th Feb 2009, 16:00, More)

» Cringe!

Bloody NHS
I had been seeing Mr Fannypack for quite a few months and as the mature & loving adults we are we had discussed and decided that we would no longer use condoms. Ride the bare back beast as it were.
Now Mr Fannypack used to go to work on the Greek Islands in the Summer and had been working as a doorman for a few years also, Summer trysts happen as do 'door-whores'. I asked him if he would go to the GUM clinic to be tested for STD's etc and in a show of solidarity I would also go get tested. As a side note to this story I had also been for blood tests because of a long standing iron problem. So we go, he gets the cocktail umbrella, I pee in a cup. Would you like the results via text or letter. I request a text.

Fast forward a week or so and I call home and my Mum mentions I have a letter from the NHS I ask her to open it because I know its for my Blood tests. I ask her what it says...her words will haunt me forever...I think you can guess the rest.

"Oh! Well.....you don't have Chlamydia"

*puts phone down*
*dies*
(Sun 30th Nov 2008, 14:15, More)