» DIY disasters

This could go on for a while
My dad's a carpenter, he has been for longer than I've been alive and so I've encountered my fair share of injuries... not just mine.

Let's get my (embarrassing) tale of woe out the way first. I was drilling multiple holes in a brick wall, think the perforations on a stamp and you'll be on the right lines. If any of you have used a pneumatic drill you'll know they have a bit of a kick to them. I was happily drilling away while my dad was doing sod all but talk to my mum when the mighty drill bit caught on some inconspicuous bit of brick deep within the wall, pressing harder on the drill did bugger all but gradually move my head closer for the final kick. The drill slipped from my grasp and, with no electric braking to stop it, continued on its rotational trajectory until it struck an object to stop it. Unfortunately for me this object was the underside of my jaw. The impact split my chin open in a Y shape deep enough for it to be glued shut. To add insult to injury I had to lay down with my head upside down to let the nurse drip the glue into the wound all the while ignoring the intense ringing in my ears that hadn't dissipated on the ride to the hospital. I've still got the scar.

My father has had worse injuries in his days. In his time he has managed to slice his middle finger to the bone with an angle cutter (luckily he was using a grinding wheel because he couldn't find the cutting wheel, if he had found it he could've sliced his finger right off). The injury itself wasn't the funny part here, it was the recovery period which involved him wearing an elbow length plastic cast with a piece of metal extending out and over the hand with a mini sling to rest the injured finger in. As it was the middle finger plenty of people were feigning mock offence at my dad's constant rudeness.

Another time he managed to cut the tip off one finger, after getting that sorted out he sliced the tip off another one and then again once more. All of this happened within a week.

We may have had some injuries but there's never been a problem with the goods themselves, we just need to make sure we're intact afterwards.
(Fri 4th Apr 2008, 2:59, More)

» Blood

Donations
I've given blood enough times to know which arm I prefer to be bled. It's my left arm by the way. My left arm bleeds like a motherfucker so I'm in, bled dry and have a biscuit in my gob before the pretty nurse gets back off her lunch break (every pissing time I miss her, all I get are the dowdy housewives). So if you ever feel like amputating one of my arms could you go for the right? If I'm going to bleed like a stuck pig I'd prefer it to take long enough to give me time to grab my severed limb and smack you with the soggy end.
(Thu 7th Aug 2008, 16:51, More)

» Pet Peeves

Where do I start?
May as well go with the ones rather low on the ladder first:

Whistlers - I'm sorry if you whistle, there is a small possibility I won't hate you for it but chances are you'll be as annoying to me as termites are to Heather Mills. There's just something about that particular note that figuratively bores into my brain and switches on the rage component.

Loudness - closely related to whistling, I hate loudness. Now don't get me wrong, a crowd enjoying itself, loud music at a concert, any noise with a cause doesn't bother me in the slightest but needless vibrations of air molecules invades my personal space almost as badly as 'that' drunk girl. It's unfortunate for me since my flatmate seems to enjoy silence in his room and the kitchen but loves exploding in a torrent of whistling and singing of the perfect pitch to drive me crazy in the hallway.

Jack Thompson - and all his ilk. The sort who crawl out of their hiding places just in time for the release of the latest violent game. So GTA4 has been released and we can expect the emergence of thousands of psychopathic, game fuelled killers? Nah! Of course those with sense understand this but these right wing nut jobs have their fingers firmly stuck in their ears when it comes to sense and their influence extends to those who submerge themselves in scaremongering news stations like Fox, CNN and the Daily Mail.

Abusers of grammar - these don't annoy me as much as Jack Thompson-alikes but I just thought of it and can't be bothered to change the order. It's, its, your, you're, there, they're, their, were, we're, then, than. All of these words seem to be interchangeable to many. Worse, there are those who are convinced that the total opposite is correct. Why does this annoy me? Because if they just learnt the meaning of an apostrophe they could eliminate half of the mistakes.

George Bush - we're meant to trust enough nuclear warheads to blast the Earth out of orbit to the guy who says 'misunderestimate'? I think not. Who the hell were the fools who let this monkey run the country for a second term?

But most importantly is non-sunny weather, I bought a pair of sunglasses and I want to wear them damn it!
(Sun 4th May 2008, 2:18, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Nope
Surprisingly no I haven't, and I'll tell you why. I'm doing a forensics/police based course at university (a double whammy against me in the likeability stakes I feel, a student AND a copper) so you'd think I'd see a bunch of gore, not so much... kind of. I've seen plenty of pictures of bodies chopped up or full of enough water to keep pre-pubescent America stocked in water bras but nothing in real life. One of my mates died when I was 18 but his funeral was closed casket so I didn't see anything there either. More surprisingly though my mum is an embalmer (makes dead guys look less, dead) and I haven't even seen any of those!

I guess I better hope all that stuff about media desensitization is true.
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 21:21, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Forget about hotels...
what about uni digs? The shared toilets mean drunken, half asleep urination down the sink is now a viable option, paper thin walls mean any bedroom nookie is essentially open to the public and bad flatmates turn the whole kitchen into an eruption of leftover food. And that's forgetting about noisy neighbours and the god damn builders who see fit to start at 7:30am EVERY... FUCKING... DAY but still fall so far behind schedule they get some guy in to do something loud at 3 in the morning despite there being a police station just over the road (I'm not joking).

Length? Not bad for my first time I don't think.
(Mon 21st Jan 2008, 10:59, More)