Profile for WillyNilly:
23 year-old chap of Portsmouth origin but exiled in Landan.
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- a member for 16 years, 10 months and 9 days
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- has posted 19 stories and 24 replies on question of the week
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23 year-old chap of Portsmouth origin but exiled in Landan.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Pointless Experiments
In his youth..
.. my uncle was left to look after my grandparent's house whilst they went away for a week.
They were slightly apprehensive about leaving him in charge due to the fact that last time he was, the television started smoking for some reason and ended up being lauched out into the garden. Through the window. It rained that night and poor little TV was ruined.
On this occassion it was poor little pet cat that was ruined.
Obviously a painful moment in any family when a pet dies but my granny is a cat fanatic so everyone knew just how upset she would be.
Thinking it would be a good idea, my uncle decided to find out exactly how the cat had died (probably to save him from getting the blame) so the shed turned into an operating table.
He then proceeded to cut open my granny's beloved pet to discover that it had eaten a rat that had eaten rat poison which my grandad had put down). Result! He wasn't to blame.
(Mon 28th Jul 2008, 12:11, More)
In his youth..
.. my uncle was left to look after my grandparent's house whilst they went away for a week.
They were slightly apprehensive about leaving him in charge due to the fact that last time he was, the television started smoking for some reason and ended up being lauched out into the garden. Through the window. It rained that night and poor little TV was ruined.
On this occassion it was poor little pet cat that was ruined.
Obviously a painful moment in any family when a pet dies but my granny is a cat fanatic so everyone knew just how upset she would be.
Thinking it would be a good idea, my uncle decided to find out exactly how the cat had died (probably to save him from getting the blame) so the shed turned into an operating table.
He then proceeded to cut open my granny's beloved pet to discover that it had eaten a rat that had eaten rat poison which my grandad had put down). Result! He wasn't to blame.
(Mon 28th Jul 2008, 12:11, More)
» Churches, temples and holy places
School trip to Belgium
about 14 years old.
We went into a huge cathedral with amazing architecture..
"Fuuuuuucking hell, it's amazing" I declare
"Don't swear in the house of God, you little bastard" replied my history teacher.
(Mon 5th Sep 2011, 20:20, More)
School trip to Belgium
about 14 years old.
We went into a huge cathedral with amazing architecture..
"Fuuuuuucking hell, it's amazing" I declare
"Don't swear in the house of God, you little bastard" replied my history teacher.
(Mon 5th Sep 2011, 20:20, More)
» Celebrities part II
The Mallard
Was a garden ornament that was shaped, well, like a mallard.
It was purchased before a Manic Street Preachers gig in Southampton a few years back (which saw me appearing in a US documentary about the band prancing around on Southampton Guildhall stairs with said ornament).
It was decided from then that it would be taken to every gig we went to afterwards as a little mascot.
My close friend and I were known as "Those guys with the Mallard" after a while due to its popularity (and our insistence that it was a mallard and NOT A FUCKING DUCK!!).
But I digress.
At a Bloc Party gig in Portsmouth Guildhall a little while after, Kele Okereke spotted it in the front row and, upon it being held aloft, decided to take the bloody thing and make a speech to the crowd about how generous the people of Portsmouth were (Ha!) for giving him such a thoughtful gift.
This speech was interrupted with my voice politely requesting "GIVE US BACK OUR MALLARD YOU THIEVING CUNT!". He looked shocked but duly obliged.
The Mallard let fame get to his head after that with his new star-status and hanging out with his A-list pals. After a stint in rehab, he now finds himself being used as a doorstop in my flat.
(Sun 11th Oct 2009, 20:57, More)
The Mallard
Was a garden ornament that was shaped, well, like a mallard.
It was purchased before a Manic Street Preachers gig in Southampton a few years back (which saw me appearing in a US documentary about the band prancing around on Southampton Guildhall stairs with said ornament).
It was decided from then that it would be taken to every gig we went to afterwards as a little mascot.
My close friend and I were known as "Those guys with the Mallard" after a while due to its popularity (and our insistence that it was a mallard and NOT A FUCKING DUCK!!).
But I digress.
At a Bloc Party gig in Portsmouth Guildhall a little while after, Kele Okereke spotted it in the front row and, upon it being held aloft, decided to take the bloody thing and make a speech to the crowd about how generous the people of Portsmouth were (Ha!) for giving him such a thoughtful gift.
This speech was interrupted with my voice politely requesting "GIVE US BACK OUR MALLARD YOU THIEVING CUNT!". He looked shocked but duly obliged.
The Mallard let fame get to his head after that with his new star-status and hanging out with his A-list pals. After a stint in rehab, he now finds himself being used as a doorstop in my flat.
(Sun 11th Oct 2009, 20:57, More)
» DIY Surgery
Warts
Seeing as the tone for this QOTW seems to revolve around warts, here is my contribution.
(Wavy lines etc)
My dad, back in the day, had a horrific wart on his knuckle which wouldn't budge. Freezing, burning, wartner, he had tried it all.
Bearing in mind this is someone who super-glues his teeth back in when they fall out, you can imaginee the sort of DIY methods he tried to get rid of the blighter.
Anyway, after several methods, he accepted that he would not be rid of the thing and just carried on with life as normal.
This saw us visiting the zoo one day and seeing all sorts of exotic creatures as you would expect at a zoo (especially some of the visitors!) but it was the ostrich enclosure that was the most memorable.
Ostriches (ostrichi, maybe?) as I'm sure you know are known as being a bunch of bastards in the animal kingdom. Everyone can recall TV reporters being snapped at by these feathered, flightless yobs, and it was on this zoo visit that one took a liking to my dad (and to his wart in particular) and decided to nip at it, taking a chunk out of my dad's knuckle *warts and all*.
So yes, if you're struggling to get rid of a wart, take a visit to the ostrich enclosure for guaranteed results.
*Awaits potential law-suit from Wartner, Bazuka et al*
(Sun 23rd Jan 2011, 15:27, More)
Warts
Seeing as the tone for this QOTW seems to revolve around warts, here is my contribution.
(Wavy lines etc)
My dad, back in the day, had a horrific wart on his knuckle which wouldn't budge. Freezing, burning, wartner, he had tried it all.
Bearing in mind this is someone who super-glues his teeth back in when they fall out, you can imaginee the sort of DIY methods he tried to get rid of the blighter.
Anyway, after several methods, he accepted that he would not be rid of the thing and just carried on with life as normal.
This saw us visiting the zoo one day and seeing all sorts of exotic creatures as you would expect at a zoo (especially some of the visitors!) but it was the ostrich enclosure that was the most memorable.
Ostriches (ostrichi, maybe?) as I'm sure you know are known as being a bunch of bastards in the animal kingdom. Everyone can recall TV reporters being snapped at by these feathered, flightless yobs, and it was on this zoo visit that one took a liking to my dad (and to his wart in particular) and decided to nip at it, taking a chunk out of my dad's knuckle *warts and all*.
So yes, if you're struggling to get rid of a wart, take a visit to the ostrich enclosure for guaranteed results.
*Awaits potential law-suit from Wartner, Bazuka et al*
(Sun 23rd Jan 2011, 15:27, More)
» DIY Surgery
DIY Autopsy
Pearoast for you lot:
In his youth..
.. my uncle was left to look after my grandparent's house whilst they went away for a week.
They were slightly apprehensive about leaving him in charge due to the fact that last time he was, the television started smoking for some reason and ended up being lauched out into the garden. Through the window. It rained that night and poor little TV was ruined.
On this occassion it was poor little pet cat that was ruined.
Obviously a painful moment in any family when a pet dies but my granny is a cat fanatic so everyone knew just how upset she would be.
Thinking it would be a good idea, my uncle decided to find out exactly how the cat had died (probably to save him from getting the blame) so the shed turned into an operating table.
He then proceeded to cut open my granny's beloved pet to discover that it had eaten a rat that had eaten rat poison which my grandad had put down). Result! He wasn't to blame.
(Sun 23rd Jan 2011, 13:14, More)
DIY Autopsy
Pearoast for you lot:
In his youth..
.. my uncle was left to look after my grandparent's house whilst they went away for a week.
They were slightly apprehensive about leaving him in charge due to the fact that last time he was, the television started smoking for some reason and ended up being lauched out into the garden. Through the window. It rained that night and poor little TV was ruined.
On this occassion it was poor little pet cat that was ruined.
Obviously a painful moment in any family when a pet dies but my granny is a cat fanatic so everyone knew just how upset she would be.
Thinking it would be a good idea, my uncle decided to find out exactly how the cat had died (probably to save him from getting the blame) so the shed turned into an operating table.
He then proceeded to cut open my granny's beloved pet to discover that it had eaten a rat that had eaten rat poison which my grandad had put down). Result! He wasn't to blame.
(Sun 23rd Jan 2011, 13:14, More)