» Cringe!

B3ta inspired cringe moment !
I just remebered this one, involving a B3ta joke I told to my friend Darryl. He is black.

The joke goes..

"What do you call a black bloke flying a plane?"

The punchline being delivered after the inevitable pause "A pilot you racist bastard".

He thought this was hilarious, and proceeded to tell it to everyone in the pub who would listen to him.

Cue our lovely blonde friend Claire walking in to be asked the same question. She paused, thought about it, then answered;

"A Thief?"


We lolled, they hooked up that night.....
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 16:38, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Mouthy sales managers
I've had a few sales jobs, and thus have met some prime bullshitters in my time.

One that springs to mind was Lee, who started at the same time as me, we both did well, but due to some vaguely relevant experience Lee got promoted at the end of his probation. No probs for me, I was caning the old targets and collecting lovely amounts of commission each month. Lee was given a fixed salary and carte blanche to loaf off and big himself up to all the newbies.

Cue Lee one day anouncing to the sales floor that they weren't selling enough - not like in the old days - Operating B3tan will tell you what it was like when we started, when we used to smash those targets.

After a few months of listening to his self serving drivel I had had enough.

So I answered, to all present - "No Lee, I don't remember that, why don't we look at some old sales reports to jog my memory. Oh yes, that's right, you never actually did hit your target did you?".

A stunned silence ensued, followed by that "what the fuck did I just do?" feeling.

Still, after a brief bollocking noone could argue with the facts, and Lee left shortly after.

There's nothing better than rumbling a blagger, especially in front of lot's of people :-)
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 11:04, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Just a brief one
I saw a lady slip on a actual banana skin the other day.

This was on the same day that I had a dentist appointment at 2:30.

I was grinning like a loon all day long.
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 15:38, More)

» Cringe!

shell suits - always a bad idea
I was at my then girlfirends house, indulging in her lady parts, when her mother knocked on the bedroom door for some pointless reason.
Being the ninja that I am, I immediately leapt silently from the bed, whipped my trousers from where they lay discarded and started putting them on by doing the 2-footed leap into them whilst simultaneously pulling them up trick.

Unfortunately the trousers were of the titular shell-suit variety (but I isn't a chav), and my un-socked feet were slightly clammy, preventing any kind of progess through the shiny material.

So instead of landing fully trousered to greet her mother at the door I landed face first behind the door with my trousers round my ankles and my willy out.

And yes she noticed, but did that mother thing of pretending nothing had happened. I think they do that to deepen your shame.

Shell suits are not for winners.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 14:40, More)

» Stalked

Scary Girls
not so much a stalker story as an observation.

I have in the past had my own experience with a nutter female who will. not. go. away.

She left flowers on my car, and bought me a teddy to try and get me back.

Having noticed a trend in lots of your stories my observation is this - Why do girls trying to win the affections of a boy buy them fucking flowers and teddies?

I mean come on, why not a socket set? or some lager, or even better porn ?

Length ? took me 3 months to persuade her to leave me alone...
(Tue 5th Feb 2008, 16:30, More)