» Gambling

Butchers
I went into the butchers today. as it was not busy I said to him "I bet you a fiver you cant reach the meat on the top shelf without your footstool?"
He said "no way the steaks are to high"

Sorry its late
(Mon 11th May 2009, 2:02, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Lifts
Once a few moons ago I was in Uxbridge doing a bit of shopping.
when the wife and I had finished we made our way to the lifts, once inside an old lady joined us, and as you all know the lift rule, smile and make space, we all made eye contact and I did the bloke thing and pressed the numbers.
Anyway the lift stops on the upper level and a black family get in, once smiles and space is made, a few buttons are pressed and up we go.
Now this being a saturday the lift was stopping at every floor and people had given up and must have used the stairs instead of waiting for the lift. Now on the 4th floor the black family get out and as I peered out to see the floor number, as I could not for the life of me remember what floor we had parked on, turned to my wife and said "Jesus they all look the bloody same"
Well she went red and the old lady went from sweet to stone and jumped out at the next floor even though it was not her floor.
Me being Me was oblivious and as soon as the old lady got out my wife turned to me all pissed off and said "I cant believe you would say something that racist and have no shame"
Well it took a while for me to explain that I was talking about every floor looking the same as the next.
Thank god she believed me!
Thanks
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 18:19, More)

» Bullies

your DEAD
If anyone of you pricks post here I'm going to fucking kill you at 3:20 outside the b3ta gates.
(Wed 13th May 2009, 12:32, More)

» Gambling

Gollum
This guy down at the snooker hall looks like Gollum. All he does is talk shit thinks he is the best on the baize but I've never seen him win oh and if you had a black cat he would pipe up "mine is blacker than that"
Anyway because he dont work (bad back) he spends all his time down at the snooker hall cleaning a few tables for a few drinks. When dole day comes round he gets his money and any family tax and pumps it into the fruity. Its one of the big payout ones I think the jackpot is a grand.
One day after losing all the money into the fruit I said "so what you going to do now" his reply..... "dont matter the wife has 3 cleaning jobs so she can sort out me and the kids"
Fucking twat.
That was about two years ago and every week is the same he never wins.
That has always stayed with me.
But everytime I find myself at the devils end of roulette or poker with my last few quid I never find myself thinking of him I just play on sobbing at half four in the morning.
(Mon 11th May 2009, 1:52, More)

» Pet Peeves

Tiscali
First post so go easy....
Tiscali never take any money and it seems to be a no go if I ring up and try to pay! I have now left them ages ago and now they send me a bill for £495. I ring and get passed on to about 3 people, while it's my pleasure to pay for the call.
Each one tells me to ring this number, that number and the best one is sorry sir we changed that number.
Its a classic case of "computer says no"
So if any one from Tiscali is reading this go fuck your £495 cos I have put a big shit stain on the "IMPORTANT REMINDER BILL" long ago.
TWATS
Cheers

Length about 25 mins on hold the 1st time and going up to a unhealthy 56 mins the 6th time
(Mon 5th May 2008, 23:05, More)