» Cringe!

Hair
So I'm sixteen years old. The girlfriend has come around to my place for the day, the folks and the sister are out, and the afternoon is ripe for lovin' -- or at least, kissin' and some awkward groping, which is the best a fairly shy guy such as myself could have expected.

But something is wrong. From the moment the ladyfriend walked in the door, she seemed a little nervous, a little distracted -- basically, the complete opposite of her usual self. After I realised something was up (it took about an hour or so... I'm really that observant), I asked her what was the matter. She refused to tell me. We played that game for a while (What'swrongnothingreallyyesyousureyesoh, the one I would soon come to recognise as an old favourite), but I eventually manage to get it out of her. In a quiet, delicate voice, quite unlike anything I've ever heard her say before, she comes out with:

'I've... you know... *shaved*.'

For some reason, my mind doesn't quite realise what's going on, so I respond with, 'Wow... Well, I have to say, it looks a lot better. I didn't want to mention anything, but I'd definitely noticed a little bit of fuzz there.'

All the while, I'm gesturing to her top lip. The lip that, in fact, was not one of the ones she was referring to.

There was to be no more fumbling that day. It took three hours for me to get her to even speak to me.

Length? Not insubstantial, but firmly out of sight that day. I was lucky she didn't rip it off.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 16:40, More)

» Tactless

My First Pea
How wonderfully FisherPrice.

*wavy lines*

So I'm sixteen years old. The girlfriend has come around to my place for the day, the folks and the sister are out, and the afternoon is ripe for lovin' -- or at least, kissin' and some awkward groping, which is the best a fairly shy guy such as myself could have expected.

But something is wrong. From the moment the ladyfriend walked in the door, she seemed a little nervous, a little distracted -- basically, the complete opposite of her usual self. After I realised something was up (it took about an hour or so... I'm really that observant), I asked her what was the matter. She refused to tell me. We played that game for a while (What'swrongnothingreallyyesyousureyesoh, the one I would soon come to recognise as an old favourite), but I eventually manage to get it out of her. In a quiet, delicate voice, quite unlike anything I've ever heard her say before, she comes out with:

'I've... you know... *shaved*.'

For some reason, my mind doesn't quite realise what's going on, so I respond with, 'Wow... Well, I have to say, it looks a lot better. I didn't want to mention anything, but I'd definitely noticed a little bit of fuzz there.'

All the while, I'm gesturing to her top lip. The lip that, in fact, was not one of the ones she was referring to.

There was to be no more fumbling that day. It took three hours for me to get her to even speak to me.

Length? Not insubstantial, but firmly out of sight that day. I was lucky she didn't rip it off.
(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 6:03, More)

» Siblings

My bro
There's quite a big gap between me and my brother -- almost eleven years, in fact -- which means we've tended to fight tooth and nail ever since he was born. He was always sniffing around me like a little puppy when we were kids, always doing his best to annoy me in that special little way that only younger siblings can. Of course, he got away with murder, what with being so much younger than everyone else and knowing just when to turn on the waterworks.

Despite this, and all of the irritation he's caused me over the years -- including one memorable incident where he 'accidentally' set one of my girlfriends a little bit on fire (a story for later, methinks, when I have more time to type it out in its glorious fullness) -- I've always been incredibly protective of him. For a kid, he's had an extremely tough life. He not only suffers from pituitary dwarfism (which means that, even though he's only about three feet tall, he's still roughly in the right proportion, and not particularly stocky), but also from Crohn's disease, which meant he had to have an operation when he was about six to remove a section of his small intestine that was so badly inflamed it was in serious danger of killing him. As a result, he's only capable of absorbing about half of the nutrients his body takes in, leading him to be ridiculously underweight (to the extent that, even in a family of beanpoles, he sticks out as being excessively skinny).

He's ten now, and weighs no more than about three and a half stone.

He ain't heavy, but...

/coat
(Sun 4th Jan 2009, 22:14, More)

» Clubs, gangs, and societies

I once almost joined a club
that used to dress up in giant penis costumes every Saturday, but I didn't.

I wouldn't want to join any club that would have someone like me for a mem-OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
(Fri 22nd Jun 2012, 2:34, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Godiva
I've lived in Coventry for three years now. Every time I'm in the town centre, I find myself walking past the statue of Lady Godiva, and every time I find myself giggling at the horse's massive bronze bollocks.

Seriously. The fuckers are huge.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 2:01, More)