» IT Support

I was in IT...
I is still in IT.

Otherwise, it would just be T.
(Sun 27th Sep 2009, 1:18, More)

» House Guests

Sinned Linens
A few years ago (more than I'd care to mention), I used to invite people back to my bedsit quite often.

I'll not beat about the bush, I would get rather lonely up there on my own with just my dog for company, so it seemed like a good idea to have people back at my place after last orders at which ever pub I found myself in, regardless of whether I knew the person in question that well or not.

I was taking chances I know, but I felt it was better than having to return home alone. Usually people would be pleasant enough sorts, and we'd get along quite well with them taking their leave of me the morning after, but some people I invited back just never seemed to want to leave. They'd still be there when I got back from work and to be honest they weren't the most sociable of people, it was like trying to talk to the wall most of the time. The situation wasn't particularly agreeable to me, especially as their personal hygiene was distinctly lacking, some of them stunk to high heaven I can tell you!

After a few days of this I'd be at my wits' end trying to get them to leave and whereas I'd sometimes get rid of them by showing them the flat's communal gardens and leaving them there (whilst I rushed back inside and locked them out), it wasn't the ideal solution. So I decided to think outside the box, and it may sound a little weird but I came up with the idea of flushing them down the toilet. It almost worked too, but unfortunately the drains would get blocked quite quickly. But still, I thought it was a bit much when the neighbours phoned the police!

Not to worry though, it all turned out okay in the end, I'm living in a much bigger house now and there's always somebody for me to talk to.
(Thu 6th Jan 2011, 18:04, More)

» Prejudice


"I`m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

W.C. Fields
(Fri 2nd Apr 2010, 3:22, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

Technologic apparition
A few months back I bought a new snazzy phone with a pretty decent camera, and as always when I get something new to play about with, I did so with merry abandon. On the first day I had it I was taking pictures of literally EVERYTHING, to help get to grips with all the attached bells and whistles.

So anyway, I had retired to bed (alas, alone) when I decided to take a picture of my darkened room to see what it looked like and to test out the flash. I'm not sure why but as soon as I pressed the button to take the picture and the flash went off something in my mind decided that what I had just done wasn't the brightest idea, especially as I was alone and prone to an over-active imagination...

A very long second later and the picture I had just taken was displayed on my phone, I held my breath... Everything seemed to be in order except for one small detail, on the edge of the picture at the top right-hand side was a rather blurry whitish-pink orb. My mind raced and I tried to comprehend what I was seeing, since the camera never lies. Perhaps I'd recorded the appearance of something inexplicable? Perhaps my belief of life itself was to be shaken to the very core by this mysterious apparition?

Or perhaps I'd been careless with my fingers and had accidentally put one over part of the lens?

Idiot.
(Tue 8th Jul 2008, 11:58, More)

» Worst Band Ever

The Superdrug house band
Not to long ago (hence my having no need for wavy lines), I found myself in Superdrug.

What was I doing there? Well, I couldn't find what I was after in Boots.
What couldn't I find in Boots? Well, it's none of your business. I'd suggest JLS condoms for comedy effect but that would be untrue since I have no need for condoms, particularly ones featuring the visages of the latest 3-character pop group. (MN8 FTW!)
Why don't I need condo...
By Jove, these digressions are getting ridiculous! On with my tale.

Anyway, I was in Superdrug, that has been established now. It is a custom of mine to listen to songs of my choosing on my MP3 player of choice whilst I peruse the shops on my local thoroughfare, or, I listen to some well bangin' choons when I'm in town innit!
But it is also my way of doing things that I take my earphones out when I am about to purchase the goods I desire, so that the transaction can go as satisfactorily as possible for both the vendor and customer.
On this fateful occasion though I happened to remove them too hastily, and it was so that I was to experience for the first time in my score plus eight years the "songs" of Superdrug's instore radio station.

I am unsure how exactly the licensing of songs broadcast in shops works but I presume a fee must be paid, and I can only presume that in some cases it works out as slightly cheaper for shops to hire some session musicians to do passable cover versions of the latest popular tunes.
Some people reading may have already heard the music played in Superdrug and thought nothing of it, the covers are passable as I have already said, especially I should imagine when heard at a low volume. But on this day the volume of the music was somewhat above a murmur, maybe somewhere around that of my late Grandmother's television whilst Bergerac was on.

And it was so that I was subjected to around about a verse and a chorus worth of Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put on a Ring on It)" as sung by a person evidently much less talented than the aforementioned pop star, with a backing track of dubious production values.
I thank God that I am not completely adverse to that song, as I cannot begin to comprehend what a version of something akin to "I Gotta Feeling" would sound.

If there is a moral to be found in my rather erratic tale it is this; you may not appreciate some musical acts but stop and imagine for a while the horrors which the Superdrug house band could conjure up for your own unsuspecting ears.

Oh, and don't read too much Victorian fiction all at once, it makes your writing style go all funny (but not, alas, in a humorous manner).
(Fri 31st Dec 2010, 1:26, More)