» The Credit Crunch

If things get really bad - Credit Crunch Cops.
Using daps insteads of batons.

Hireing the mentaly ill and straping them to the roof of cars NNNNEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNEEEERRRRRRRRRR.

Car battery, paperclip chains and a catapult for a portable tazer.

Holes in the floor - flintstone style cop cars.

Prison cells come with giant hamster wheels conected to generators. Inmates can run round the wheel trying to get food off a piece of string.

Pringle pots filled with stones - door bashers

Leashes around drug users necks, to be used as sniffer dogs, promises of a free hit from the find to encourage them.

Premium rate emergency calls, doubled up as "the naughty voluptious police woman" number.

Wild west wanted posters in pubs/shops. Rewards for bounty hunters in the way of free food.

Police men and women stripping for extra money while on the job (will help when delivering bad news)

Will hire anyone from the public who can count to 20 withought using their toes (fingers OK) and call them special .... oh wait
(Fri 23rd Jan 2009, 4:31, More)

» The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten

Music Festival Mealtime Roulette
This game I play gets the worst and best food results.

It also saves money and adds interest to meal times.
I always take my own food and drink to festivals to save on money and queing.


Basicly :
1. Buy lots of tinned food. Get a mixture of good, bad and odd stuff. Try to make sure there is no print on the actuall can (on the top usually).

2. Come home and remove all the labels and chuck in a bag.

3. Go to festival

4. When breakfast, lunch or dinner comes pick a can and cook up and eat.

Additional rules
1. No shaking of the tins
2. Additional tins can be opened to “improve” the meal, but must be combined together.

The worst is opening a can for breakfast hungover to find pulped onion staring back at you.
Took 2 more cans to sort that into a meal.

Going to be trying again next month down Worthy farm. Licking my lips already.

Goooooo on give it a go
(Tue 31st May 2011, 3:28, More)

» Addicted

Night Shift Worker
I have been for a little while working a nightshift.

Once on it you try everything you can to get some sort of normal sleeping pattern. So I decided to cut all caffine out my life as to not involve anything to disturb my natural (if you can call it that) balance.

My addiction..... Red Bull.
I fucking love that shit.

Once drunk I wont sleep right for a few days and will put my whole pattern out for a good week.

Every now and then I just can't resist, knowing all the while im drinking the holy beverage keeping in mind the destruction it will do to me (And usually the whisky involved to knock me out to sleep)

Please if anyone knows of a caffine free redbull equivilant, let me know and you will be a friend for life.

ALSO : Where the hell have cheesy nik naks gone I cant find them anywhere. I search high and low every time I pop into a new shop. (surely they are the best flavour, did they cause cancer or something?)
(Fri 19th Dec 2008, 0:17, More)

» When Animals Attack

bloodsucking vampire tanks
Me and a good friend of mine decided that as we were in our early twentys we needed a way to prove our manhood.

Found a website selling crossbows, at half price too. Well that is an opertunity one needs to take, £15 crossbow = very poor aiming but resonably powerfull.
A weeks impationt wait.
Googlemaps provided us with what seemed like a reasonably sized forest, so off we treked in my van.
As soon as we were at the forest in front of us a good 200meters away were 3 fine looking deer. hrmmmmmmm is what we thought, 15 pound weapon vs deer, we stumbled all around the sides to reach the sexy looking beasts, gettting closer, fwappp. Some bugger had left half a wire fence in the ground, flat on face all the deer were no more. never to be found over the next few hours. No rabbits or any other furries, what a waste of camo belts on head (plonkers). stumbled over some shotgun shells and felt a little out of our depth with fellow hunters that must have been using supperior weaponry so we left.

The animals attack - more like insects in the form of ticks.

I had never heard of ticks previously, had a phonecall from fellow hunter the next day inquiring if i had any spider things stuck in skin, took shower and inspected body. Absolutly everywhere, looked on wikipedia to found out what was eating me and how to remove them, decided on pliers. 28 in total. when ripped out with pliers they would still crawl away on the desk, indestructible tanklike insects.

Led in bed a few days later picking at belly button, and you guessed it found another one of my friends in there.

nature 1
me -1

think i shall be kinder to nature from now on, god taught me my lesson in the for of tinylings.

lenght ? size of a mouses nipple

*pop*
(Fri 25th Apr 2008, 3:39, More)

» Old stuff I still know

Because
The only time I remember our Headmaster coming into the classroom in primary school, he told us his way to spell "because".

I cannot write it without saying this stupid nonsense in my head...

Beautiful Elegant Cats Are Usually Slow Eaters.

The Bastard
(Fri 1st Jul 2011, 10:54, More)