» My most gullible moment

Not nice
Upon entering Year 7 in High School, we were told that the first subject we would be covering in science would be 'sexual education'. This was met with much giggling, but after learnin what the penis did, it gave me an idea to trick my best friend's little brother (he was only a year younger than either of us, remember that), who was an absolute cunt. He once got me thrown out the house by smacking his head against my mate's wardrobe and claiming i'd done it.

Anyways, after school i went along to my friend's house, saying i was doing my homework with him. Went up to his room, told my friend my plan, and he agreed to try it.

So, we told his little brother that you could milk humans. At first he didn't believe us, and so he asked how. We told him he had to grip his willy and make pumping motions. Upon hearing this, he ran back to his room and tried it (by himself).

After a few minutes, he ran down the stairs holding a cup of a white substance. My friends and i heard the following scene from upstairs

'Look mum! I milked myself!'

'That's nice dear... YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?'

We got a bollocking for that, but when my friend's brother entered high school, he was forever known as 'The Milkman'.
(Tue 26th Aug 2008, 18:07, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

A few days ago
At my college we have an internal e-mail system that is available for all, but it's not much used. However, a few days ago, I received a message on the system from my irate ex-girlfriend. Nothing ignorant in that you may feel, but it was the actual content in the message that amused me. Message was as follows:

"yOU ARE AN INDIOT"

I rest my case.

EDIT: I do not rest my case actually, as I have more. A few days prior to this, she sent me an e-mail which I found rather offensive but have sadly lost. It did contain many spelling errors, however. So I sent her an e-mail with corrections to her bad spelling. The following e-mail conversation then took place (and bear in mind she is doing maths at A-Level):

Her: I CAN SPELL THE BASICS LIKE FUCK OFF AND FUCK YOU

Me: Ah, the old 3 word vocabulary (i.e. "fuck", "off" and "you") . I remember those words with fond memories when they were slung around on MSN, mostly by you towards me.

Her: CLEARLY YOU CANT DO MATHS COS THEY ARE TWO WORDS NOT THREE

And now I rest my case.
(Tue 23rd Mar 2010, 10:35, More)

» Customers from Hell

Not me behind the counter
But i was behind the guy in front of it.

I was in my local fish and chip shop, and the guy in front was being served, and he was taking his time about it.

"Ya wantin' salt an' vinegar?" asked the large woman behind the counter.

"Ooo, do i want salt and vinegar? Hmm...Hmm...Hmmm." said the guy in front.

Woman bhind counter: "It's no the bloody House of Commons, hurry up!"

Later on, after this guy left, the large woman said to her collegue:

"I hate that guy. He's my auntie's second cousin."

"Your auntie's second cousin? What does make him to you?" I asked.

Her response?

"Fuck all, he's an arse!"
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 17:47, More)

» The Credit Crunch

As long as...
40p gets me a bag of crisps, I'm happy.
(Sun 25th Jan 2009, 20:29, More)

» Thrown away: The stuff you loved and lost.

Memory Card
Jessie's story about a lost mobile reminded me.

A year ago, i got a shiny new sony ericcson flip phone from 3, and at first all was well.

However, i few weeks later, the phone stopped recognising the memory card. This was sorted by me taking the card out, putting it back in and waiting. Problem solved.

Sinse i've had this phone, i've been away to France, Spain and Germany, and i took loads of pictures with the phone and stored them on the memory card, which did stop working many times but the problem was solved by me.
Also, i took a few photos of my dog, who died earlier this year, and a couple of videos which were all saved to the memory card. I never transferred any of it to computer, as i never thought that what would happen would happen

Last week, i discovered the memory card problem again whilst trying to play some music through it. i tryed getting access to my photos to see if the problem had occured. but instead of the usual 'no files' message i got, i was treated to seeing my photos in grid form disapperaing from the screen.

i tried to fix it again using the aforementioned method, but nothing happened. i connected my phone to the computer to see where the files were, and none were there.

my phone had wiped everything from the card

I lost every photo and every video i had taken that year. every photo of spain, france, germany and my departed dog.

apologies for length, and lack of funnies.
(Wed 20th Aug 2008, 16:43, More)