» Food sabotage

Taking the Daz Challenge: A Tale of Feeble Revenge
I have two older brothers, and whilst I was growing up, the younger of the two was a horrid, smelly, bully to me. There was only one instance where I was pushed to the point of revenge...

One day when I was about 7 and he was 10, he politely suggested I test out his DIY zip wire which he had created between trees in our Dad's garden. Since he had tricked me by going up the tree to "check out the amazing view", then pulled away the ladder and ignored my crying and begging for the good part of an hour, I accepted his proposal.
However, as the zip wire's "handle bar" was simply a piece of plastic clothes line, it naturally snapped as soon as it felt the strain of my weight (and I wasn't even a chubby little urchin).
Whilst lying in pain and shock on the ground (and part of the ladder -ouch) I recalled something disturbing... Whilst I was hurtling through the branches I caught sight of my brother's face - which was lit up with a huge deranged grin and demonic gleeful eyes. That, coupled with the fact that he scarpered as soon as I touched ground led me to suspect that he did not hold much regard for his little sister's life...

So I decided that I would lightly poison him.
My Dad had brought me some sweets to console me after I "fell down" and whilst munching on them I hatched my plan...
I emptied the sherbert from a Sherbert Dib Dab and replaced it with Daz washing powder. Then I walked up to my brother and feigned feeling sick from too many sweets and offered him the sugary treat...
Watching his face contort and seeing the congealed bluey-white gunk spew out of his mouth whilst he retched was HIGHLY satisfying! It was his own fault for ignoring the lollypop and tipping the sherbert straight down his gullet...

Looking back I feel it was an inadequate attempt at revenge, but at the time I thought Daz to be fairly toxic - even fatal.

Oh and to get revenge on my revenge he put me in a suitcase and rolled me down the stairs. For some reason he decided to shove a clock into the suitcase with me- not really sure why. Ah well- great days!

We're now good chums but he still likes to bring up my attempt at "murder by poisoning"- pah.
(Wed 24th Sep 2008, 13:41, More)

» First World Problems

People who
"don't like the taste of water"
(Thu 1st Mar 2012, 15:51, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Piracy is a Crime
Thanks for making me sit through that... at the beginning of a purchased dvd.

Preaching to the wrong crowd.
(Mon 19th Apr 2010, 16:17, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Church and Eddie Murphy...
My elder brothers and I were fans of the film "Coming to America" from an early age, however, this meant most of the humour went over my young innocent head...

So when my brothers encouraged me to quote from the film in public I saw no problem with this...

We were all forced by our mum to go to church until we were 12 and old enough to make up our own minds about religion..

During one Sunday service- (I was 5/6 year old blonde haired, blue eyed girly) I was nudged by my brothers and therefore given my cue...
So I looked up at the nice old lady next to me, gave her my most innocent look and told her I had a secret to tell her. When she'd leant down to be face level, I whispered clearly and calmly into her ear "I worship the Devil", then looked in her eyes and smiled sweetly.

Her eyes went wide as a wide thing and her mouth dropped open. She then took my mum aside to have words with her about me... Sorry Mum!

I think the good people of our church couldn't wait for my 12th birthday to roll around..
(Fri 12th Dec 2008, 12:52, More)

» Road Trip

Pearoast
Me and my two older brothers were horrible hyperactive children who Mum had the challenging delight of bringing up by herself. A trip pretty much anywhere would lead to chaos and result in tears… actually just a Sunday afternoon as well. Showing off and winding up dear old Ma was what we exceeded in.

One weekend she decided she wanted to visit an old school friend in Bedford, and she took us with her. Naturally we all played up and embarrassed her, I can’t even remember what we were specifically doing. But. Mum. Snapped. She made her excuses to her friend and packed us all into the car. My brothers thought it was hilarious so were giggling like loons at Mum’s gritted teeth and pulsing vein in her forehead. After we’d been driving about 5 minutes, she calmly pulled over and announced, “right awayfromthenumbers, since you find this so funny you can get out first”. I wasn’t sure how to react so I nervously laughed, until I was shoved out of the car by my shrieking traitor siblings.

I tried to run after the car but it soon disappeared from sight. Stunned, I sat on the kerb and cried in the strange foreign town, as scary groups of teenagers walked past shouting and laughing (not at me, but, still…). After about 10 minutes my middle brother came around the corner, he’d managed to re-trace the road and find me. As he was a bit older, he knew the house number and street so we asked a nice old man in a trenchcoat directions back to Mum’s friend’s house. When we got back Mum looked a little sheepish but relieved we were back. However my eldest brother still hadn’t turned up after an hour- no surprise really given that he’d been dropped off at a petrol station on some main road on the outskirts of town. Mum felt a pang of guilt and went to find him and bring him back… happy days.

Did I mention I was a 5 year old girl at the time of abandonment? We’ve never really spoke of it since.
(Tue 19th Jul 2011, 15:28, More)