» Will you go out with me?

God hates you and wants you to be unhappy
Apologies for the length, but the backstory helps to set the scene.

I used to work in an IT dept where the lovely Amy worked. She was a geek boys dream - into computers, gaming, booze and had what can only be described as fantastic uber-enormo breasts. I fancied her with a passion and had managed a few drunken office party snogs but, being a lame arse had got no further. This was not helped by the fact she was seeing someone; who we’ll call tw@tboy. Over the next couple of years tw@boy moved in with ‘my’ Amy and they had a child together. I begrudgingly accepted it just wasn’t going to be...

So I decided to go travelling for a while, quit my job and disappeared for a year. On my return I looked up Amy to say hi and see how things were going. Tw@tboy was gone and Amy had moved into a new house with her son. She was delighted to hear from me and asked if I would like to come round for dinner? She suggested I bring some booze and crash over being as her son was being packed off to tw@tboy’s place for the night.

Ohhhhhh yes…… for years I’d dreamt of a scenario like this and what was presented to me at this juncture looked like a green light to the inside of her pantaloons. I prepared myself. Booze was purchased along with house warming gift and johnnies. I think I even ironed a shirt and wore clean pants.

So I turn up nervous but excited; years of unfulfilled lust were about to be sated. She opens the door and let’s me in. She’s lost a bit of weight since I saw her last and looks fantastic. We catch up whilst she makes dinner. Then she tells me how glad she is I came round because she really wants me to meet her friend Kim who I will “really like” apparently.

Hmmmm…. this wasn’t in the plan, being setup with her mate. But whatever, maybe this will turn 3some-tastic and be better than I anticipated. It’s at this point, as somewhere in my head I am in a dreamland of drilling oil with Amy on her sofa, with a Kim bonus addition, that she hits me with it.

“Actually Kim is more than a friend”

I drop my premium continental lager on the floor.

“We’ve been seeing each other for a while now, I’m so happy! She’s coming over in a mo’ and I’d love you to meet her”

Speak for yourself love! It takes everything I have not to throw some sort of childlike tantrum and storm out. There I am expecting some horizontal action with a bird I’ve fancied for ages, and she’s now telling me she drinks from the furry cup!

Quietly seething as we move to the living room I start to imagine what type of man hating dyke biatch has turned the lovely Amy to the other side. I wait for a short haired, dungaree wearing man-woman to arrive. The doorbell goes and in walks Kim, who can only be described as a blond bombshell.

Well we have dinner, Kim it turns out is not only gorgeous but a really nice person to boot (I hate her). I stay up late with Amy getting drunk quizzing her about her new love life before calling it a night and staggering off to my bed. Amy shows me to the spare room which is on the top floor, I lie in bed thinking through the evenings events and calling god a kent for hating me and wanting me to be unhappy. I had reached my lowest ebb. Then I hear something, movement, something like a small moan, then another, something buzzing, then a loader moan. To add insult to injury the girls were at it next door and I could hear the lot. I remember it was raining as I lay there listening to someone I really cared for probably being fisted. I can only assume it was god p!ssing himself with laughter at me.

Length? I don’t know, I only heard the buzzing.
(Tue 2nd Sep 2008, 15:53, More)