» The Emergency Services

There are bikers who have had an accident, and bikers who haven't had one -yet-...
I did quite well for a few years, but in the end had someone pull out on me to a degree where we bounced off one another.

I hit the deck, and the ambulance was duly called to scrape me up and haul me away to A&E.

"Says here this is your first accident, that right?"
'Yep, I was hoping for something a bit more spectacular to be honest.'
"Ha. Well, you're very calm for a first-timer..."
*pause*
'You've got me strapped head to toe to a spine-board, and everything is currently generally Your Problem... What else are you expecting me to do?' 0_o

Ambulance staff were great, as were the two guys prodding me to make sure my neck was still a neck.
However after they proved I was intact everyone vanished like mist... "Er. I've been told that all I need is some painkillers and to sign the paperwork, and it's been a couple of hours. Don't you want your A&E cubicle back?"
I was sure -someone- coulda used it...
(Thu 16th May 2013, 22:49, More)

» Biggest Sexual Regret

Captain oblivious strikes!
I've had at least 4 occasions now been chatting with various cute, interesting, and extremely taken friends of mine (married, engaged, long-term boyfriend, etc.) who've come out with the line "You know, I really fancied you before I was going out with X."

0_0

Hrngh.
Argh.
*whimper*

Why could they have not said this -beforehand-?
Why did no-one let me know?
Why was I not observant enough to notice?
Why do we not get a manual or handbook for this kind of thing?

When I think of some of the (not trying to be crude about it) hawt ladies I could have been involved with it drives me spare.

*wailing and gnashing of teeth*

There is actually another specific incident that still narks - the (apparently traditional) failed threesome.
Two young ladies and I, faintly drunk, all down to underwear and in bed, and misc fooling around.
One of them pipes up "Y'know, we could have him", to which I respond with a ha-ha-I-know-you're-only-kidding laugh.

Of course at this point, one of them is draped over me exploring my chest with her mouth, and the other is astride my crotch, and I've got a member you could have hammered nails with.
The magnitude of my idiocy knows no bounds. It all petered out and we went to sleep after that.

(Incidentally both of them came to me independently afterwards and said words like "You'll be lucky if that happens again. I know you fancy *other woman* more." There's no easy way of saying "can't I have you both" at that stage.)

*facepalm*
(Fri 9th Dec 2011, 21:20, More)