b3ta.com user slapdash
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» Family codes and rituals

Cabbage ritual
I tell my six year old son that if he doesn't eat his cabbage, his willy won't grow.

Cruel I know, but my Dad told me the same thing, as did his Dad to him.

I'll probably still be paying for his therapy when I'm sixty, and he'll have a cabbage phobia and an enormous schlong


Length?.. I ate all my cabbage!
(Thu 20th Nov 2008, 20:55, More)

» Festivals

Anarchists vs. Hippies
Happy Daze festival, Bala, North Wales , 1989ish.

Great festival, picturesque surroundings, sun shining, it was idyllic.

On the Sunday afternoon a friendly cricket match took place between the anarchists and the hippies. The anarchists, being anarchists, ignored the rules of the game.

The highlight though was when a streaker ran onto the pitch, gracefully jumped over the wickets, pursued slowly by two stoned-looking dreadlocked "policemen".

Happy daze indeed!
(Fri 5th Jun 2009, 19:10, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

A guy told me
the other day, he'd been having sex with my mum...

even took her up the bum a few times.

I said "I think you've had enough to drink now Dad!"

sorry for being slightly off topic but it tickled me
(Tue 9th Dec 2008, 20:58, More)

» Procrastination

Driving licence
I failed a driving test at the tender age of 17, mostly because I was a bad driver.

Being an indignant little tosser, and somewhat headstrong, I continued to carry on driving with a provisional licence for the next few years (about 10 ) After adding up my accumulated fines and points (£600 and 8 respectively) it occurred to me that it may be less expensive to just retake the test.

With 10 years of driving under my belt, I pissed myself, sorry I mean pissed the test and French kissed my elderly male examiner.

Result? pass
(Mon 17th Nov 2008, 22:52, More)

» Drugs

I've been caning the paracetamol suspension
I think I may be a Calpoholic!
(Tue 21st Sep 2010, 0:07, More)
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