» Mobile phone disasters

Actually, the phone saved my life
This is a photo I've just sent to my wife.


(Wed 5th Aug 2009, 22:55, More)

» Tightwads

I know a few
First, me: I never use too much cooking oil, even if I spend more on a bottle of beer than all the oil I use in one month.

And I almost always turn off the light when I leave a room while shamelessly running 2 computers 24/7, having the TV always open in the background.

--

One friend of mine decided to redecorate his house. One worker he hired told some other friend that once they were looking for him around the flat (not very big) and finally found him eating in a closet. You know, to avoid having to be polite and inviting them to grab a bite.

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A few years ago, on my birthday I was paying drinks for 10 or more friends. The rule was I was paying for booze while they were paying for their own food.

After boozing for some hours the place was closing down and they gave us the bill. I obliged for the booze and some friends coughed up the money for the food. However, nobody cared too much and the tip grew quite large.

Then this other chap decided to solve the issue and extracted some money for the cab ride. Funny thing is he wasn't even involved in the bill, so it was not like taking his part of the tip back.

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I lived for a while with 3 other people in a rented flat. I shared a room with a salesman, one the tightest people I've ever seen.

Basically, he never spend money on food, as his family sent him packages every week. The only expenses he had were rent (very small at the time) and the daily beer and bread.

One day he managed to get a raise. What did he do to celebrate? Brought home beer, bread and some canned food (tuna).

Later, his girlfriend managed to score a free holiday: 2 weeks at the seaside, everything payed by some NGO or youth organization (well, everything except his daily beer, but he was buying it anyway). His reason to pass: they were getting back on a Sunday, which was bad because of him not being able to get the package from the parents, thus being forced to buy food for a week.

And he was 31 at the time.

--

Actually, I have a long list but I'm too lazy to write it down.
(Wed 29th Oct 2008, 0:46, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Traffic lights
I managed to hit some oddly placed traffic lights with the top of my skull, in broad daylight. They were hanging lower than usual and I was engaged in a conversation when it happened.

It was on the High Street, indeed. At first, I was stunned, then looked back to see what hit me, with no people behind me for at least 20 meters. Then I saw the lights and started laughing to pretend I'm not embarrassed. Sure.

That's nothing, though, compared to what happened to a friend of mine on a drunken trip to the seaside. Pretty dark, we toured between hotel bars and he decided to cut corners, jumped over a waist tall green fence and landed on a manhole. He suddenly disappeared with a thud and groan following shortly. And a broken arm to discover, seconds later.

Why would somebody place a manhole just behind the fence, on the grass, is beyond my comprehension. Being there, though, it did make sense to leave it uncovered knowing the sort of crowd populating the resort during that period of the year.
(Thu 21st Jan 2010, 22:19, More)

» Hypocrisy

Veggies
They don't eat meat on the grounds of "it's bad to kill the poor animals".

One pig feeds several people for months. A countryside family can live by the products of several animals, killing less than one pig a year or a couple of chicks a month, with moderation in all. Well, aided by what constitutes vegan food.

But on a hip veggie breakfast the entire population of 10 square feet must die for the wholemeal bread, tofu, cereals or orange juice.

Eat dead by natural causes leaves or fallen branches if you believe killing animals is bad.

Plants are lifeforms, you know. You fucking murderer.

Or maybe you thing plants are inferior and unimportant. That makes you a racist (hm, a domainist, maybe) as well.
(Sat 21st Feb 2009, 15:09, More)

» School Days

The primary school was quite normal,
as I was a geek kid (math and chess).

But then I discovered booze and philosophy, so the word turned upside down. Where should I start?

Living in a shitty country, the water would run out for a few hours once in a while. That's why they kept those large barrels of water in the bathrooms so classes could send someone to clean the sponges.

Well, we just waited until someone entered to take a dump during the breaks, checked if he was alone in there then tipped the barrel of dirty water in the direction of the stall. That's roughly 500 litres of drink washing your feet, at full speed, in a limited space.

What else? Well, building a large, foul spit for a few minutes, then projecting it onto the ceiling, and sitting near the spot for the whole break waiting it to fall on the heads of unsuspecting passers.

Pissing in a bottle, on Friday, in winter, than spraying the piss on the radiators at the end of the day. Imagine the smell on Monday.

When we randomly met the Latin teacher (a small, jovial figure, but such an airhead) we would suck up to him, make compliments while dragging him to our class. The guy would forget where he was going in the process, would enter the class and start teaching. Then the real teacher would pop in, accusing him of stealing classes and such. Worked about 3 times.

I won't even start about skipping classes (bars would see no problem selling booze to 16-year-olds)...
(Sat 31st Jan 2009, 9:37, More)