» Stuff I've found

Best? No. Most random? Err, yeah.
Picture the scene if you will... A group of well oiled students tumbling out of the pub to find a seabass, a couple of feet long and surprisingly fresh, lying just outside the door.
Cue the question "Has anyone here ever hit someone with a fish?" When met with negatives all round, then came the inevitable "A fiver to anyone who'll let me whack them with this one!"
Being penniless, one friend agreed to this plan. Since this was not a small fish it was decided that the hitting would be done across the bare stomach, not the face (no one really wanted a trip to A&E, and you know how fish are measured in weight?). After watching the swing, the slap and the amusing wobbly stomach it turned out fish scales don't stay attached too well after death. Not to the fish, anyway. Stayed attached to him long enough for us to keep a safe distance for a while!
To this day none of us know how the fish got there.


Woop, first post!
(Sat 8th Nov 2008, 23:41, More)

» Cringe!

Not mine, but MrCat's
At the tender age of 17, my fella had not one, but two cringeworthy encounters with Tim Wheeler, lead singer of Ash. The first directly led to the second, but I'm getting ahead of myself...

*wavy lines*

Having 2 friends whose 18th birthdays were within 2 days of each other, being a poorly paid, below minimum wage earning waiter, expensive presents were off the agenda. Thinking that the hand/homemade present was the way forward, with a little ingenuity (he thought) they would both receive presents to treasure for the forseeable future.

1) The first friend was to receive a scrapbook filled to bursting with trivia and clippings on his favourite bands, one of whom was the aforementioned Irish indie-poppers. The second friend was to receive a present that was more ingenious, but to those not in the know, perhaps slightly sinister. Ash were also her favourite band. He made her her very own Tim Wheeler doll.

A couple of days before the first birthday he found out that Ash were to be doing a signing in Liverpool, and the thought of signed presents was just too much to resist. So off he goes to Liverpool, scrapbook and doll in hand. Can you see where this is going?

He makes it to the signing table, having kept the gifts secret from the accompanying recipients-to-be, and suddenly thinks (slightly too late, some may say) about how presenting a singer with a doll of himself to sign may look. The outcome? One lanky, cringing youth, one slightly scared Tim Wheeler, and eventually, one signed doll.
But, he thinks, at least he'll never come face to face again.....

2) Three short months later, Leeds Festival. My fella finds himself once more in a queue to get something signed by Ash. "He'll never remember me" he thinks.

Wrong!

Steps up to the table, hands over the album to be signed. Guy looks at MrCat. Then at the album. Then up again.
Hang on, you're the guy with the doll....

*ground, open up...*

P.S. This was still not the last encounter between these two, there was almost an episode whilst getting drinks in a bar, but thinking of the potential restraining order, he wisely decided to walk away.
(Sat 29th Nov 2008, 23:18, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Coming from
a fairly animal mad family, we used to send our pets (2 dogs, 2 cats etc) postcards from holidays. Our Grandma, looking after said animals, would carry on the barminess (or just prove where we inherited it from) by reading the cards aloud to the recipients then pinning them to the fridge quite low down "so they can look for themselves".

Once (perhaps foolishly, in hindsight) we sent them one of a cat yawning. Card was read alound, pinned to fridge etc. When we got home our Grandmother presented us with the card.

In two halves.

Top and bottom, or head and body, whichever you prefer. Chewed clean off.

I think that may have been the last time we did it!

Length? Severely reduced.
(Thu 20th Nov 2008, 19:05, More)

» Cringe!

Goggles
In our kitchen we used to have a photo board which pretty much covered one whole wall. Hundreds of photos, literally, many funny, or just with a story behind them. So when bringing new friends/boyfriends/anyone of any importance into the house for the first time this was always cause for comment.

So which lovely photo do my parents choose to point out (without. fail. every. time.)? Baby photos? Hah, I wish. Could it be the one of me as a bridesmaid, with adorable curls? The first day of school? No. Oh then happy family times at the beach? Getting there... but still no.

It was the one in which, at about 6 years of age, I am standing with my back to the camera, proudly nude, but for a pair of goggles. Across my bum cheeks.

Ha. Fucking. Ha.

P.S. My mum was a teacher at my school, and very friendly with most of the staff, including the Head. Many a dinner party saw me scarper after hearing the words "And here's TinyCat's bottom!!"
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 23:21, More)