» Mobile phone disasters

Pioneers don't benefit
Waaaay back in the mists of time - must be '92 or '93 I had just got my first mobile phone. Now this thing was somewhat similar in size to a Chinese Take-away foil tray and pretty much the same shape (better metaphor than a Brick but doesn't hold up on the brevity stakes, but I digress).

I'd had the phone all of a month and the only calls I ever got were fellow lazy bastards hoping for 2nd or 3rd hand photocopies of last week's lecture notes, that they'd missed due to too much time in the bar. Or other students trying to get in to our student society's legendary and upcoming cheese and wine and wine and wine party.

Now being a soap-dodging geek of a student I was in the student Union Bar minding my own business, but secretly willing for a call (at the time I knew of nobody with a mobile, and I'd seen maybe one or two in the Uni so I was feeling pretty smug at having a phone, especially as whenever I was called it was invaribaly to do with 'sorting out some lecture notes' or assorted crap for the Student Society) Just so I could look cool, masterful and maybe even actually impress a girl (times had been barren recently and the freshers' week shenanagins were a long time before).

Well in comes my flatmate Jim, sits at the table and helps himself to one of my gigarettes as the loafing toad was apt to do - I'd let this slide as in later years I was helping myself to his girlfriend so no real problems there.

After maybe 2 or three pints the bar has got substantially busier and I've been eyeing the riot grrls for some time and they've been giggling and looking back -my phone goes off.

Praise the Machine God thinks I. As everyone turns to look at the ponce with the newfangled device. I reach into my pocket pull out the phone and don't even look at the screen before starting the ritual I'd pepared:
"Hey, who could that be", I said in my best faux amused voice.
Whereupon I extended the aerial (yep, had to otherwise a world of static would rush out the speaker and deafen me).
I pressed the magic button and brought the phone up to my ear.
By now everyone is looking at me as clearly I'm the only thing interesting going on (and believe me, I was loving the attention)

so the room attention-grabbing conversation goes like this:
"Hi"
"er Hello"
"Hi who's this?" I said quizzically, not recognising the voice.
"It's Jim's Mum, can I speak to him please?"

crestfallen.
The bastard had given out my number to everyone he knew as he was always in tow and therefore he knew he'd be contactable. git.
(Tue 4th Aug 2009, 11:01, More)

» Stuff I've found

Modern Age Relic
Years back I had the dubious honour of living in Scaberdeen.

I and 3 student flatmates had just moved into a flat that being so unclean we (stupidly) volunteered to clean in exchange for getting 2 weeks rent free...but that is another story.

Now that place was the top floor of a Victorian mansion converted into flats.
In a tiny cupboard installed above the bathroom we found many interesting things.
A pair or soiled lady's knickers with "gentleman's stains" added...
An old cavalry sabre blade (no hilt just the blade)
A freakish looking "Gimli from the Lord of the Rings" style axe (that we later found was nicked from the walls of a local pub)
Hand written rules for IRA terrorist actions in the WWII game of Squad Leader (Love the game but the terrorist shit seemed to be based on real life)*


Now here is where I digress:
On oil and Gas production platforms in the North Sea there are often libraries of shitty books - all Andy McNab and dreadful scifi - not even the good ones - and most of these books have stamp in them just like a library back onshore "Property of X Library or X Platform"

But the one item that I still have (the others being divvied amongst my foul friends (not the scanties BTW)**)
is a crap SciFi novel that I have only read once with "Piper A" stamped on the pages...

It *is* a relic. I'd love to know when it left the installation, cos all that marks Piper A now is a buoy above the wreckage.


*The blokes who lived there before us were all from Ireland (dunno which part)
** The scanties were burnt and thrown from a window one summer night.

Cheers for reading there are many dubious tales of that flat - better left for another time.
(Tue 11th Nov 2008, 21:22, More)