» Letters they'll never read

To an ex
Dear Jason,

I know you took it hard when we broke up. But, that was no excuse to tell all our friends that I was cheating on you. I never did that, I never even thought about it. The reason I told you was true: after six months we had never kissed, never even held hands. That's not a relationship, that's a friendship and that's what I thought of you as. It was time for both of us to move on.

I know you got depressed after we broke up, but that wasn't my fault. You were depressed far before then. Did you know I went to the psychiatrist first, to tell them about you? I sat there in my coat the entire time. I was so scared, but I wanted to get help for you. I spent hours and hours talking to you, trying to get you to see someone, to do something besides complain about how I ruined your life.

Do you know what it does to someone when you tell them you're going to kill yourself and it's their fault? I'm worried that you did know how that would affect me, that I would consider getting back together with you to ease your pain and keep you alive.

What about that night where I was lying on the bed and you kept rubbing my back and moving closer? That night, you made more contact with me than the entire time we were going out. I kept moving away, but that didn't stop you. I almost gave into you that night; I felt so guilty about everything. If I hadn't left so suddenly like that, you would have destroyed my self-respect. That night, when I was riding my bike home as fast as I could, I realized I couldn't make you happy by giving you myself. I love myself more than I ever loved you. I used to think I would do anything to ease the pain of a friend. Now I know that's a lie.

I still talk to you online because it makes me happy to see how miserable you are. I'm in university getting a second degree, living with my boyfriend of three years, and have never had trouble finding a job. You want to know why you're still miserable - living with your parents, in debt with no job for 2 years? Because you blame everyone and everything else for your problems. Guess what? It's you.

Regards,
(Fri 5th Mar 2010, 3:12, More)

» First rude thing I ever saw

Not the first rude thing I saw, but...
I was responsible for showing an entire class of 9 and 10 year olds the wonders of the internet. It was a complete mistake, honest. I was student teaching in a class and we were working on a newsletter while their teacher was out of the classroom. We needed a picture of said teacher, so I suggested they just google her name. Surely something might come up.

How was I supposed to know there was a rather risque model by the same name? Fortunately, there was nothing too innocence-shattering, just a bunch of swimsuit photos and naked pictures where she covered all the important bits, but the class quickly filled with awed gasps and giggles as I ran around, trying to close the windows.

I did a similar thing several years later, when working with an over-protected autistic kid who probably wasn't even allowed to use a computer on his own. This time it was some rather lewd paintings of Greek mythological figures. Now, it's just art and nothing to be ashamed of, but I still felt my face go beet-red as he started screaming, "THEY'RE NAKED! THEY'RE NAKED ON THE COMPUTER!" Someday, I'll learn that telling kids, "Just google it" isn't the wisest instruction.
(Fri 12th Aug 2011, 15:17, More)

» Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

Genetic Testing
I went to the doctor's office just yesterday for some genetic testing (I have a 50% chance of having that darn BRCA1 gene mutation) and as part of the visit, they informed me ahead of time that it would include a breast and pelvic exam. Now seeing as this was a woman's clinic, I didn't think much of it. The doctor's first name was Raja, which sounded distinctly feminine (of course, thinking about it now, I remember the male tiger in Aladdin was named Raja, so that should have given me a clue). The night before, I checked the address of the place online and noticed all the doctors were male. Drat.

However, my nervousness was completely unfounded as the doctor and nurses there were some of the nicest I've ever met. He gave me a huge discount on the exam because I am a poor college student without health insurance and they're doing their best to get me further discounts on the extremely expensive genetic test. My vial of blood is on its way across the country to be tested now, and I am incredibly thankful to the clinic for making the process so much less stressful.
(Thu 11th Mar 2010, 19:11, More)

» Mums

Trapped in the car
I think it's an unspoken rule that mums will sabotage their children with awkward conversations while trapped in a car together. One of the strangest stories that comes to mind was when I was stuck in the car with her and she started reminiscing about her days of high school. She went into this lovely story about how she worked with a boy her age with Down Syndrome and I was half-listening when she said, "He was just the nicest boy. One day I was sitting next to him and he said, 'My thing gets hard when I look at you.' Isn't that just the sweetest thing you have ever heard?"

Now, I was 17 or so at the time and looked at her with horror and said, "Euuuughhh, that's disgusting!" She was very offended and refused to talk to me the rest of the car ride.

She also decided at the age of 50 to divorce my dad and (again in the car) informed my sister and I that she would probably be dating women now, so we shouldn't be surprised. Yep, my mum's a lesbian. This provides no end of amusement to my friends. My mum regularly calls me up and tells me about all her new lesbian friends and the lesbian parties she goes to. Hey, whatever makes her happy!
(Mon 15th Feb 2010, 15:54, More)