» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

Look out below!!
Not really something i'm ashamed of really, but still it was funny.

Back when I was a wee lad I was scrambling around a rocky river with my older brother and my dad. I needed to pee, but being as I was having fun and didn't want to stop messing around I held it in until the last second.
The 'last second' saw me perched on the edge of a rock frantically looking for a bush or a tree to little avail, so I just had to go.

So just as I start peeing it occurs to me I may want to give my brother, who was on a rock some meters below, a heads up. "Look out down below!" I shout, just in time for him to turn, look up, and get covered in pee.
Don't think my split second warning or the warm, smelly shower really went down that well. I thought it was funny though :D
(Sat 14th Mar 2009, 18:21, More)

» Nightclubs

missed opportunity
So there's this really fat, arrogant guy i know who nobody likes, actually everyone hates him. he goes by the name Big Gay Al - 'cos he's big, he's gay (tho still in his massively oversized closet) and his name is Alex. So me, a load of mates and alex r all at our end of year uni ball. its a posh do - suits and black ties all round. Im fairly drunk, as are quite a few of the others, as i go about my rubik's cube dancing the fat twunt randomly waddles up to me and peanuts my brand new tie round my favourite shirt and my favourite neck! bastard! (theres a pic of me taken moments after he's done it and the red mist has descended like an impenetrable fog of hatred and rage.) Im a fairly fickle drunk - i have the ability to flip from regular to blinding anger then to a state of euphoric happiness in mere milliseconds. the state of euphoria was caused by me spotting a fiver on the floor between getting my tie nutted and the first punch landing(which, due to the fiver, it never did) fiverless though, it would have taken about 2.5 seconds to land it.

Thats my dance floor disaster - missing an opportunity to twat a twunt 'cos of a rogue fiver on the floor which killed my rage attack, and a short attention span. not a real disaster, but i would have loved to have landed at least one punch and take the podgy bastard down a peg or 2. damn money
(Thu 9th Apr 2009, 21:42, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

An old school mate of mine
joined the navy after school. last time i spoke to him he'd just bought a brand new, top of the range, expensive phone. he'd gone out drinking with his sailor mates and come back to his ship rather drunk and decided to show off his new phone but, in his less than coherent state, dropped the phone, which skated across the deck and off the side of the ship. he said he had no idea where it'd gone until he heard the faint splosh of it disappearing into the mediterranean!
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 1:23, More)

» Gambling

only gambled properly twice,
first time in Melbourne, started with $10, ended with $55 (did get it up to $80 though) second time in Southampton, started with a £5 promo voucher and ended with £15. not much i know, but hey i'm not complaining!
once while blind drunk bet my housemate an entire quid i could guess how many stairs there are in our house - i won that one too :D though the tight git never paid up :(
(Thu 7th May 2009, 22:59, More)