b3ta.com user NorwegianLube
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» The Apocalypse

A 151 word story about MAD apocalyptic fallout
Stockpiling

My ex would not wish the world to know that she likes to be read bedtime stories, or that she once released such a gargantuan turd that the toilet wouldn’t flush for a week. Likewise, there are dirty secrets that she knows about me that, God willing, will never see the light of day. People say that it’s romantic the way a couple can open up to one another, share their vulnerabilities. People are idiots. These things will out sooner or later if you’re living with a partner. Partners tell each other these things for the same reason countries have nuclear arsenals, but the partners bombs are “he makes a noise like a horse when he ejaculates”, or “she got so drunk she pooed herself”. There’s no intimacy in these shared truths, it’s a case of if I’m going down, you’re coming with me. Mutually assured destruction is not romantic.
(Tue 19th Jun 2012, 16:10, More)

» School Projects

Erm...
Hullo, first time post. Probably too lazy to post original stuff often, so here is an unedited 151 word true story that seems somewhat relevant that I penned a ways back. So-

Mein Kampf
I was tempted to buy that book once. It didn’t get rave reviews on publication, but I’d been awarded £10 worth of book tokens for accidentally deceiving the teachers into thinking I had been studious. Each subject had two categories, effort and achievement, and I was awarded the effort prize for German. There couldn’t have been a more wounding insult. Everyone knew that was the conciliatory prize they gave what we affectionately called the “spackers”, so you could understand my anger at being put out to graze with these obtuse fellows. Consequently, I decided to make the school think I tried hard at German so I could become a Nazi. But then I thought that spending £10 of the school’s money on fascist propaganda was a little strong just to make a point. I bought “101 Ways to be Lazy” instead, but I never got round to reading it.
(Sun 16th Aug 2009, 23:13, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

's nice
Shepherd's Pie. But instead of mince and carrots and that, bung in chilli con carne under the mash.
(Sat 30th Jun 2012, 21:53, More)

» DIY Techno-hacks

Arcade Foot Fire
I remain blissfully inept at anything approaching practicality, so this involves a friend of the family. He used to have an original space invaders arcade jobbie, but he dismantled it and built with it an accelerator, brake and clutch combo, which could be used on Formula One Grand Prix 2 on the Amiga 500. The technical achievement is far more impressive than the actual use of the thing though- those buttons are small, and trying to press them with my toes meant you could never win a race as cramp was an inevitability...
(Fri 21st Aug 2009, 12:12, More)