» B3TA fixes the world

All politians will use the NHS and public transport
I dont want to see any of this private health care bollocks
or being driven to work by someone else.

If youre going to precide over the NHS and public transport
you can use it. Then when you fuck it up (even more) its on you too.

Can you even imagine David Cameron waiting 6 hours in A&E with his little un ?
(Sun 25th Sep 2011, 1:22, More)

» Neighbours

My New Neighbours
There they were a fresh faced young couple trying to start their first home together. I was next door reattaching the heat shield to the exhaust of my motorbike. I stood up and looked over the fence at the young (trying to be) alpha male as he checked out his garden. i tipped him the nod and we started a small talk conversation about the house and local area.
His mrs (who was in the kitchen unloading boxes)shouts through to her boyfriend "can you please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?"

What could we say to each other after that ?
(Thu 1st Oct 2009, 16:27, More)

» Redundant technology

The beauty that is a real fire
I live with my Mrs and little un in a very old house
the house has been modernised over the years but recently we decided to ditch the pretend real fire looking expensive to run gas fire set-up with its fake coal briquettes last week and revert back to a real fire with wood and coal and stuff. This has to be the best decision we have ever made regarding house improvements.

We now have a crackling real fire that costs us next to nothing because we have started to use a freecycle website to obtain free wood. In the evening we sit watching tv warm as toast and when my mrs goes to the loo in the commercial breaks i throw bogeys on the fire to watch them crackle....heaven i tell thee.

to top all this domestic bliss off im still using the fake fire brass front (That i took out) with my new old fashioned real fire.
Sometimes i think going backwards is the only way forward.
(Fri 5th Nov 2010, 10:10, More)

» Awesome teachers

Chemistry
I dont think you ever appreciate the crazy things you see as a child until
you get a lot older.

Many years ago in the 80's i had a chemistry teacher who was a complete mentalist. Whilst he was talking to the class he would wander around the students tables surveying his domain.
If anyone dared to talk he would wander behind them and continue to discuss what he was talking about at ear drum piercing volume behind the "talking" persons head whilst spraying them in spit.
My favourite distraction was when a friend of mine left his Head Bag (a fashionable bag at that time) on the table.
My chemistry teacher hated bags on tables and everyone knew this fact because he would tell everyone this fact with regularity.
anyhoo ...at the start of the chemistry lesson in question my classmate not only left his bag on the table but also proceeded to talk after everyone else had settled down.
My teacher calm as you like strolled over to the bunsen burner next to my friend turned on the tap and lit the gas.
This resulted in a five foot flame that not only people in the vicinity could feel but that also burnt the fashionable bag in question.
The teacher then turned off the tap and calmly took a chemistry flask and extinguished the bag which had ignited using some water from the sink.
The class then proceeded to continue as normal.

it wouldn't happen now but then he probably isn't teaching anymore.
Most people might think "what a prick" but a valuable lesson was learnt that day in class
and that was sometimes people should know when to shut the fuck up.
(Fri 18th Mar 2011, 11:53, More)

» Horrible things I've done to a loved one

farting
when you start going out/ entering into a relationship you and your future partner will cough , scuff your shoe or try to exit a area you have just guffed in by speed-walking away.

These days my mrs will lie in bed clench her aris and silently hiss out a fart. The only way i know a nasal assault is going to start burning my nose hairs and im going to start gagging is when she starts giggling like a loon.

Im a little bit more exhibitionist than my mrs , i like to deliver my bottom surprise whilst sitting on the settee next to my lady watching for instance dexter whilst silently farting and then cupping my hand into my lap and speed wafting the said cupped fart under my mrs nose. I then tend to run away and lock myself in the shit box laughing my head off , cos im in the trousers like that in my house.

Can real love include being able to make your partner gag on your guffs ?
(Fri 17th Jun 2011, 16:41, More)