» Buses

Revenge is a dish best served......eaten?
Living in Non-UK European country and not having a driving license I get to travel the Pov wagon fairly often. I tend to keep my iPod in and face firmly turned towards the window lest any of my fellow travellers try and engage me in conversation
ANYWAY my story...
Sitting minding my own business near the middle of the busy bendy bus (alliteration ROCKS) I hear shouting towards the front of the bus, a girl around my age (27) was sat next to a young black man shouting typical (for this country at least) fairly racist remarks, enquiring whether he could in fact fornicate with himself, and requesting that he does indeed 'go back to the jungle'. This poor man was sitting there not making a sound, head straight ahead and not reacting. Meanwhile the inspector gets on and is asking for tickets, people are holding them ready to show that all is paid and proper when the young black gentleman takes the shouty ladies ticket out of her hand, eats it and then carries on staring straight ahead. She went mental and of course explaining to the inspector that her ticket had been eaten just got her thrown of the bus for being a nutter without a valid ticket.
(Wed 1st Jul 2009, 19:42, More)

» Conversation Killers

Disgusting myself....
One afternoon at work our manager gathered us together to inform us of some bad news. R's wife who hd been about 8 weeks pregnant had lost their baby. I thought I said it in my head 'has she checked the back of their sofa'. Apparently not. No-one was angry just dissapointed.
(Fri 13th May 2011, 13:34, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome II

Staggering silence
After hearing the sad news that one of my colleague (and his wife, natch) had lost their baby I nervously asked 'has he checked behind the sofa?'. Totally mis-read that crowd.
(Tue 21st Aug 2012, 12:41, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

It has recently come to my attention
that limes are not unripe lemons.
*raises one eyebrow, smokes pipe*
(Thu 18th Mar 2010, 18:44, More)

» Drugs

As a child
3 seperate times I drank a whole bottle of Calpol. After the 3rd My parents were completely disniterested.
I have been totally hard and cool at 15/16 smoking weed, which just made me feel paranoid and fidgety. Peer pressure....
I was unfortunately and stupidly, I now know, addicted to 'speed' although at the time I didn't realise it. After nearly 2 weeks of not being able to poo, taking 6 laxatives the night beafore then sitting on the toilet straining so hard I nearly pass out and throwing up because nothing is coming out my poop chute, I still carried on taking it.
I tried Ketamine once with my boss (working in a restaurant is just a hive of sex, drugs and more sex) we are sitting on his couch, he tells me he loves me I tell him I love him and then realise the couch is eating me.
So the moral of the rather disjointed story....some drugs are bad and make you seriously constipated, some make couches eat you but Calpol is fucking aces.
(Thu 16th Sep 2010, 13:48, More)