» Helicopter Parents

Chavs
You all know the kind. The tracksuit wearing, face plastered with shite, too fat and waaaaaaaaaaaay too pregnant for anyones liking, dole scum sucking freaks.

In my old job, I worked in a bar. Some ditzy blonde bimbo, round as anything, sent her 12 year old boy up to the bar to ask for a pint.

Boy: "Pint please."
Me: "I can't serve you I'm afraid, you're too young."
Chav: (shouts over)"What the f*cking hold up?!"

She wanders over to the bar to see me refusing to serve this child.

Chav: "Problem?"
Me: "Yes actually. He's too young to be served any alcoholic beverage. If you want a drink you'll have to show me some ID."
Chav: "Its not for me though. It's for him."
Me: "Excuse me?" *quietly chuckling to myself, thinking "you cant be serious?"*
Chav: "You heard. He drinks at home and he wants to drink here, so give him the f*cking drink or I'll smash you teeth in!"
Me: "Look if you don't have ID I can't give you the drink." *not that I would anyway, being a chav and all*
*passing ID* Chav: "THERE! FOR F*CK SAKE! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A DRINK?" She yelled out to the whole bar.

I surveyed the ID, before announcing:
"Excuse me, I still can't serve you."

"Why the f*ck not? You wanted ID so pour the damn drink!"

"The ID says you're 17."

"Shit, I grabbed the wrong fake ID again..."



She then left, taking her 4 kids with her.






I laughed. And had a cookie.

EDIT: No word of a lie.

Also, first post ever. Yay.

EDIT EDIT (or number 2, whichever): I am aware a 17 yr old chav with a 12 year old son might sound far fetched, but he might've been her brother. not a clue. or instead the parents of the other childrens? nevermind. chavs are stupid.
(Tue 15th Sep 2009, 20:29, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Not me but...
...some proper childish person I know, his name is Pete. For months now Pete has been a thorn in my side. This is a virtually nonsensical rant of an issue thats been slowly eating me.

Things never used to be bad, we were once friends. We *were* in a band together until this band split up, due to this person.

As I said, things weren't bad. We did our share of gigs, etc etc, until one day he decided he couldn't think of anything else to write. Being a felow band member I offered to help out, as you do in a band, after all it is a team effort. He gratefully obliged and I set about writing some new material. In the time I was writing he ran round to everyone we both know, claiming I've "stepped in and am now trying to steal the show" from him. When I caught wind of this I assumed it was nothing more than some people spreading rumours, which, again, happens.

Me and my partner moved into a new house, and were minus a few essentials, namely a cooker, a washing machine and a fridge. One day we got an offer to collect a secondhand fridge from someone, on the day of one of our gigs. Pete phoned me up to arrange a pickup to get to the gig, and I said "thats perfectly fine, I just have to ick up a fridge first thing in the morning but that should give me a few hours to get ready for the gig." He was fine with that and we ended the conversation. Later that day he phones me up to tell me all the other bands have pulled out of the show and has therefore been cancelled. I thought "fair enough, doesnt mean we wont get anymore shows" and left it at that. A few days later we had a few friends round who then dropped Pete in it, saying that he told everyone else I was too busy to perform and that they'd have to do the show without me, which they did.

I was fuming, but left him to his childish devices.

Then I once again catch wind of something else he had been saying, claiming I was "trying to force him out of the band" by supposedly attempting to assume his guitarist position (I was the bass player).



This time I went mental. I asked what his damn problem was and he feigned ignorance.

I blew my freaking top.

I asked again, this time more forcefully, and he said "I don't want another guitarist in this band. We wanted a bass player for christ sake."

I had no idea what had spurred this. But I carried it on no further, got casually wasted, played my part at the show we were doing and left.

The following night was to be our last show.
We're playing at a pub in Ilkeston, just outside Nottingham and Derby, things were going fine, not ension except for the manic journey in petes car where we were gonna be late cos he didn't wanna drive fast. Anyway, he backed himself into a corner while we were playing, and then refused to give me a lift home. So there's me, stranded miles and miles away from home in a place I never knew. Luckily, my friend Jake lived not too far away, and gave me a lift home.

We were meant to be having another gig to celebrate a friends birthday, and it was this gig that was potentially to be our break, until Pete decided he wanted to go on holiday, leaving us with no guitarist. He also said he didnt want anyone to fill in for him for this *one* show, and that if anyone did he'd leave the band, which we couldnt have because he'd take the material with him. The singer (Halo) and myself were discussing what we could do instead, and came up with Halo doing guitar for the gig (which we ran past Pete and ehwas fine with) and we carry on as normal. Halo couldn't handle guitar and singing, and so asked me to do guitar as I knew the songs, and she deos bass. I said fine, and we agreed to keep it secret until Pete got back from holiday (the gig of which was right in the middle of his holiday) and we do the show.

In the few days that followed I had Pete's little scene kid brother having a go at me, and I quote (from my facebook account):

Sean Burton: You're a faggit man, why the fuck are you trying to push my brother out the band? you're dhit at guitar, you can hardly play bass and you only got in cos you were a fan and the only person they knew who played bass, who the fuck are you to decieve my brother like that? you're scum mate.





His words. I did pick out a few things wrong with that, aside from the spelling.

1. I wasn't a fan, I never knew who they were before that.
2. The only deception encountered was on his brothers (Pete) part.
3. I know I'm not the best musician, but I know I'm not shit.
4. I have more fans (personally) than either of them.

The singer and I left at this point, the band fell to pieces and we never did the show.

I then since started a new band, with the drummer from the above band. Things were going well until recently, when Matt (drummer) decided he could no longer be with us because he has too much to do with 6th form (he picked 6 courses, so I can understand why) and work.

THEN we find out he's doing another band with Pete again, and that Matt had lied to us, and Pete has swayed his small child-like mind like a paedo with a bag of sweets. Everyone in this band and everyone who knows both me and Pete has gone mental at him (Pete I mean).

HE is truly one of the most childish people I've met. Apologies for lack of funny, I just felt I needed to get this out there.


EDIT: We're still looking for a drummer in the Nottingham area, with no avail :(
(Sat 19th Sep 2009, 19:39, More)

» The Soundtrack of your Life

Another for me
Sitting around at my friends house on my lonesome, feeling down. Just lost my job, my home, my girlfriend and all of my family had moved away, leaving me to fend for myself. I ended up moving in with one of my best friends and staying for a while. Just when I thought things couldnt get worse, I was getting kicked out from there because I didnt have a job and they couldnt afford having me there.

I couldn't take anymore, and went for a walk. I put my iPod (well, iPhone) on and listened to music. The song "Archetype" by Fear Factory came on, and put things in perspective for me. Fast forward a few years.

I now have a house, a fiancee, a baby girl, a job and friends. Only little more could make things perfect.

Trust me, it's a good song.
(Sun 31st Jan 2010, 19:34, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

during arguments
I still say no returns, so that the opposition cannot come back with a witty reposte.

:D

Dear God, make me young again...
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 12:31, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

laughing
at the word bum. for hours and hours and hours...

I wish I was 7 again :)
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 12:06, More)