» Absolute Power

'nother school IT Techy here who likes
disabling the keyboard and mouse when the mouth breathers are on ebuddy and webmessenger and telling their significant other that they are fucking their sibling/best friend/mom etc.. then blocking the site and watching them sweat as they wait for the bell to ring to signal hometime so they can go and kiss copius amounts of arse. I am a god.
(Fri 9th Jul 2010, 17:57, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

"Chillax"
I'm sure many of you are in agreement that the conjoinment of two otherwise fairly innocent words to make something foul that could only of come from the tagline for "CHAV - The Movie" (Directed by Michael Bay starring Michael Carroll and tonnes of exploding Special Brew)and while were on the subject, fucking fluorescent clothing, Twitter and baggy beanie hats :|
(Tue 20th Oct 2009, 14:25, More)

» Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

I had a vasectomy recently
It makes childbirth look like a walk in the park, they open up your tackle on local anaesthetic (you are offered general anaesthetic but it's not as masculine telling this down the pub if your unconcious during the op) I had also agreed to have a student nurse watch to attempt to learn something as "they don't get to see many of these" this meant everytime a piece was cut out of me it was held up for the student (and myself) to see, add this to the fact that everytime they pull on the Vas tube to get a better grip it feels like your being kicked in the balls repeatedly.

Couple this with the fact that by the time i got out of the operating room to get a lift home EVERYONE in the urology department had gone, even the shutter was down on reception and i was feeling very sick and had a bout of the cold sweats as i shuffled (very carefully) out through to the car park. She also used stronger stitches as she was too heavy handed and kept snapping them as she pulled them through my two veg, this meant that after three weeks (they were supposed to dissolve and drop out after two) i got an inflammatory response as the wound was healed and my body now recognised the stitches as a foriegn object so i had to cut them out with nail scissors.

Bomb disposal experts don't hold their breath as well as i did for those few minutes.
(Thu 11th Mar 2010, 18:30, More)

» Twattery

I may be out of line here
But i drive a little Ford, and there is nothing more infuriating to me than some oversized Chelsea Tractor using the "PAY AT PUMP" at the petrol station to fill up, then swaggering into the kiosk to pay! i always use these as im too tight to carry cash and so it's easier for me (and everyone else) if i fill up there, remove my card and continue on my merry way.
(Fri 13th Apr 2012, 14:37, More)

» Overheard secrets

Wrong number
About two years ago i was out with the (now) ex missus driving around and about and i kept getting phone calls at an alarming rate from a number i didn't recognise so i decided to text them and find out who it was. Here is a transcript verbatim (names left unchanged to finger the guilty)

Me: Sorry i was driving whos this?

Mark: Hi Sue it's Mark, my wife found your knickers in my car and shes kicked me out, can i stay with you tonight i'll make it worth your while ;)

Me: err, im not Sue, im Boiled_Tater, and good luck finding a place to stay.

Mark: Thanks Boiled_Tater, she's kicked me out!
--------------------------------------------------

What an utter cunt.
(Wed 31st Aug 2011, 10:19, More)