» Rubbish Towns

Newark...
The only town in Britain that's an anagram of "Wanker"
(Wed 4th Nov 2009, 12:03, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Math
Reading the posts on here has reminded me of another pet hate:

"Do the Math" - No, last time I attended a lesson in that subject (Albeit a very long time ago) it was Mathematics, or Maths.

It has never been Math in the UK... yet I was disturbed to see last night policitians retorting using this bastardisation of the English language.

We are not Americans, why do we even try and pretend that speaking like a retard (or at least retarding our language) is something to be proud of?

At the very least, it's a lazy, lazy way to communicate.

I will quitely happily do the Maths, do arithmatic or even attempt some sort of number balancing that I do not quite understand... but I will NEVER do the math...
(Tue 13th Apr 2010, 12:03, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Dear Westminster
After your expenses scams paid for in its entirety by the British taxpayer failed, I find it extremely ironic and frustrating that you have decided to give yourselves yet another pay rise this year.

And then you wonder why people accuse you of being out of touch with reality? Then you wonder why people refuse to vote?

It's very simple. It's because you're a bunch of two-faced hypocrits that has had far too much of a good thing for far too long.

Please don't even try and justify your unneccassary perks, unneccessary bonus, and unreasonable wage increases by donating it to charity.

You see, when you do this, it is ultimately us, the honest British tax payers who ends up footing the bill for your "generous" donations.

You're ridiculous policies over the years have successfully destroyed communities, industries and the very essence of what once made Britain the industrial powerhouse that it was.

In order to help the country, why not take a leaf out of the book of the millions of civil servants and private sector businesses and follow suit.

I suggest part-time working, pay cuts just for starters. But it might, just might, help you to understand why we, the people of this country are increasing annoyed by the goings on in our so-called democracy.

The sad truth is that you may as well be based on Mars, given how out of step you are with the honest hard working and downright fed up electorate.

Stop paying out money that you don't have, stop making promises that you can't keep and Start giving power back to the people.

No, this doesn't actually mean a whole host of consultancies, quangos and yet more layers of micromanagement. It means actually working in the interests of the country.

You are spending MY money on things I don't want, don't need and don't see the point of.

If I wanted someone to do that for me, I would find myself a wife.
(Fri 5th Mar 2010, 12:04, More)

» Famous people I hate

Uncomedic comedians
Since my last couple of posts went down like a lead balloon, I thought I'd try and redeem myself with this subject!

The whole point about comedians is that they are supposed to be funny. It seems to me that the only thing that seems to end up polluting the airwaves are idiots that try and stand out... and do. But for all the wrong reasons.

Let me explain:

Alan Carr - Pure evil. I don't care how funny a gay orgy is. I do not want to hear about it on national television. It's nothing to do with the fact that he's as camp as a row of tents, he's just not funny!

Alan Davies - Not as contemptible as Alan Carr, but he never has been funny, and never will be. How he ever got onto QI I will never know, but at least he's shown himself up to be the dimwitted imbecile that I thought he was beforehand.

As already been mentioned. Ben Elton - Used to think he was quite good, but now I've learned the error of my ways. Can you be a left wing comedian and then go on to perfom at the Royal Variety Performance?... Completely sold out a long time ago. The other thing that really annoys me with him is his books. They build and build and build, and deflate quicker than a burst balloon - complete rubbish.

However, the big prize... The award for the least funny uncomedic comedian must go to Ricky Gervais. Maybe I'm being a bit thick, but I just do not get what he's all about. I hated the office, and don't think he's done anything of note... he's completely cringeworthy.
(Fri 5th Feb 2010, 12:13, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Cyclist abuse...
When I first passed my driving test, I couldn't afford a proper car, so had to settle for a rather nasty, rather knackered old Ford, which inevitably was suffering from the signs of old age.

Being keen to learn about how cars work, and being keen to avoid expensive and regular mechanic bills, trips to the scrap yard became quite a regular feature of my life.

My car had the engine power of an emphysemic 60 a day smoker, meaning that it would always struggle to go up hills.

So, there we were, my brother and I, travelling up a very steep hill at a snails pace, when I caught sight of one of those stupid lyra clad poncy cyclists that have got nothing to better to do with their time than cause road accidents.

As we started the ascent, the cyclist started getting bigger and bigger. I dropped down from third, to second, to first, no good, he was still gaining on me and I could see that he'd quite clearly got me in my sights.

Unable to do anything but but my right foot to the floor in the vain hope of going above 10mph, I heard my brother start to make the filthiest, stickiest, dirtiest piece of green phlegm I have ever had the misfortune to witness.

I heard him release the snot rocket, and all I could see from the back of my window was a cyclist covered in what looked like a large piece of nose slime tottering sideways towards the kerb.

Bastard didn't even try to overtake me after that!
(Fri 22nd Jan 2010, 16:26, More)