» Guilty Laughs

My nan
has a habit of calling her cat her 'pussy'.
So whenever I visit, I'm waiting for the inevitable moment when she starts talking about her pussy. It's always something like, "I need to go feed my pussy" or "I haven't seen my pussy in a while". My mum doesn't think it's funny at all but my brother and dad clearly get it, so I have to sit there, face in my hands, pretending to rub my eye or something whilst I suppress the giggles and avoid eye contact with my father or brother at all costs.

It's awful when she does it at the dinner table.
(Fri 23rd Jul 2010, 10:38, More)

» Losing it

I was on a bus
and saw some reflective thing in the front window (top deck). Looked like straws. That moment some girls got on the bus drinking Mcdonalds drinks - with straws! Looked back at the reflection and it was a Flake wrapper (dont know why it was straws but trust me it looked like straws). Someone then came up the top deck eating - a Flake! I thought I was turning psychic or seeing things before they happened like in Final Destination. Overheard a conversation at the back of the bus - about Final Destination!

All those things are true and happened in that order, but being scientific I quickly shrugged it off as chance and not paranoia like my friends keep telling everybody that I am.
(Thu 21st Jul 2011, 16:37, More)

» Greed

In my first year at uni
I licked someone's balls for £4 (we were all drunk and everybody was eggin' me on, and I love to entertain...)

Also last night I snorted a line of pepper for £2. I was sneezing for ages and my nostril felt like it was on fire, but because I left some the git refused to pay up.
(Fri 15th Apr 2011, 16:26, More)

» "You're doing it wrong"

I believe my mum
once spent about 10 minutes trying to get a scale to read as zero so she could measure out some flour or something. Because it wasn't calibrated it read as 10g or whatever with nothing in it, so she started cleaning it, dusting it, washing and drying it, I can only imagine this was because she thought the dust was adding the extra weight. She was putting pressure on it and letting go, I don't know what this would achieve. Cue me walking in and telling her to zero it.
(Thu 15th Jul 2010, 23:39, More)

» Bizarre habits

Gaming gone too far
My friend once told me that he'd played so much Halo that he'd find himself 'checking his motion sensor' in real life as he walked around. Of course this is only a slight movement of his eyes down towards the bottom left of his peripheral vision, or his HUD, as he called it.
(Tue 6th Jul 2010, 0:30, More)