» Not having sex


I once lived in a shared house, and was quietly watching TV on my own. Now, one of the residents was a girl - let's call her 'A' as I can't remember her name - who had taken pity on a girlfriend of hers(let's call her 'B'.. my imagination's sparking today) who had no place to go, and so was temporarily living on A's floor.

So there I was, when girls A & B came into the room, both giggling manically. 'A' said: my boyfriend's coming over.. can B sleep with you tonight? I hadn't spoken much to girl B before, but she had nice looking boobs. Before I knew it I heard myself say "er, well, I don't know, I er.." at which they giggled their way out of their room to ask one of the other lads in the house instead. Only 5 seconds after they'd left did it dawn on me that just maybe she wouldn't have been sleeping on my floor all night.. and I probably could have changed the sheets before she came up to make it habitable. I'll never know..
(Sat 24th May 2014, 17:50, More)

» Job Interview Disasters


Tell us what you do in your spare time?

I like to go out hill climbing!

And which hills in central London where you thinking of climbing?

It went downhill from there. My answer of "well, there are weekends and holidays" didn't seem to cut the mustard.
(Thu 21st Nov 2013, 13:35, More)

» B3TA Most Haunted


These stories are frankly rubbish compared to some on this epic thread on haunted wartime airfields that's been running for 8 years:
forum.keypublishing.co.uk/showthread.php?t=22567
Those stories are full of menace & nostalgia.

Anyway, my wife maintains that when she was a youngster, and the whole family was in their living room, they'd hear footsteps on the landing ... and then the upstairs toilet would flush by itself. Boringly, google says there are valid plumbological reasons why this can happen sometimes.

I'm pretty sure that once when I was in bed at the age of 7 or 8, my bedroom door creaked open a bit and then closed on its own. Could have been my parents, but I always heard them coming up the stairs, and I hadn't. Expect I was asleep.
(Mon 17th Sep 2012, 18:46, More)

» Homemade Booze

The Purest beer
In our first house, our neighbours introduced me to homebrew. If you're him and recognise the tale, drop me a line and say hello.

Anyway, he decided that the best beer would be be made from pure fresh rainwater - none of the nasty chlorine you get from the tap. So he collected some lovely rainwater from the waterbutt under the garage (can you tell where this is going?). The brew complete, he reported it was quite tasty. His wife reported he was laid low by mystery headaches and other ailments. She tried suggesting that water collected from an asbestos roof covered in moss, starlings and blackbirds might not be the best. Curiously his ailments disappeared when he decided not to finish drinking that batch. Bit of a crap story really.. perhaps I should spice it up with more serious diseases, but it was funny at the time. Can you get asbestosis of the liver?
(Fri 5th Dec 2014, 13:11, More)

» The Great Outdoors

furtive tent fun
Years ago, I was on a trip where I shared a tent with a non-friend on the trip. One night, I was half awake.. aware of an odd rustling. That's odd.. a mouse? squirrel? I dozed a bit more.. the noise was more rhythmic.. seemed to be some heavy breathing, a grunt. Hmm.. didn't sound like a mouse. I opened one eye to see , in silhouette, my acquaintance's very handsomely proportioned, but deeply unnattractive, willy, receiving a good going over by his right hand. I froze.. considered going back to sleep.. but what if he had a really messy accident over my sleeping bag? uh, oh. Nope.. so I just made a gently throat clearing to let him know i was probably awake, but vague enough that we could both pretend I'd been asleep. Happily he put his todger away. Lucky escape.
(Sat 31st Mar 2012, 20:52, More)