» Caught!

I love a cup of tea in bed in the morning.
One morning I was particularly enjoying my brew, from the first short "it's still a bit hot" sips through the increasingly large gulps which were allowed to swirl pleasurably around the mouth before swallowing, and then arriving at the last mouthful, I closed my eyes, tilted back my head and slowy drained the cup, savouring every last lingering drop and remaining motionless for several moments afterwards.

When I opened my eyes I realised that my Mum had been in, and left some tissues that she'd wanked onto on the bedside table.
(Fri 4th Jun 2010, 14:58, More)

» Worst Band Ever

I dislike far better bands than you AND I dislike them on limited edition colour vinyl.

(Tue 4th Jan 2011, 11:31, More)

» My Arch-nemesis

My brother
He's three years older than me. When I was about nine we each got a pair of boxing gloves. Our bouts would begin in the proper "guard up, jab and move" manner but gradually descend into rough brawling, and as I inevetiably became frustrated at the beating I was taking, would generally end with me launching the "full windmill" attack, as popularised by 1970s comic books. However I still always came off worse but it never stopped me from taking on the next bout, clinging to the belief that in just another week/month/year, I'd be able to take him.

However, I will get my revenge. My brother does a physically demanding job and will be fucked by the time he's seventy. I, of course, will be a sprightly sixty seven year old.
Yeah, then he'll get what's coming to him.

Now I just need to make sure that I don't get Alzheimer's in the meantime.
(Thu 29th Apr 2010, 13:38, More)

» Caught!

I was only going to borrow it!
A long time ago now, in a rare moment of public spiritedness I allowed myself to be co-opted into helping out at a local centre for people with physical difficulties. A friend regularly volunteered and he asked me to help out as they were getting some of them to do their Cycling Proficiency Tests. I helped set out the cones and with various other tasks throughout the morning and it was hard not to be moved by the way they applied themselves, hunched over the handle bars, the additional concentration showing on their faces and making it obvious how much it meant to them. With just a little bit of leeway(being allowed to have more than one go at some exercises), they all got through the test.
The organisers told those of us who had helped to line up and form a guard of honour as the proud cyclists received their certifcates and badges. Understandably they wanted to "big up" the award and give the fullest acknowledgement to their achievement. This is where it got a bit embarrasing for me. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 9 years old and had never bothered doing the Cycling Proficiency Test. Furthermore, thoughout the morning I had noticed that pretty much everyone else was wearing their own CPT badge (again in an attempt to show that it was something that those without physical difficulties were proud of). Now, what I did next is hardly a great crime, and I was fully intending to only borrow the badge which I took from the boxful on the table (waiting to be handed over). I'd like to state that wore the badge only to show my support for the scheme, but in truth there was also a slight feeling of embarrassment that I, a so called able-bodied person, had not achived something that the day's cyclists (in spite of their "shortcomings")had. Unfortunately a couple of the cyclists saw me and assuming that is was stealing something to which I was not entitled, something which they had worked hard to earn, were understandably annoyed. They shouted at me and gave me a couple of short armed jabs.

So in essence, I was abused punched and humiliated for what was essentially a small act of egotism, and one which I would have got away with if it weren't for those peddling flids.
(Tue 8th Jun 2010, 13:24, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Falafel
I can spell it. I can make it. Sat here, I can say it, however should I wish to order it, additional syllables sneekily insert themselves into the word.

"I'll have some fella-fa-laff-fuful in a piita bread with salad please."
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 15:46, More)