» That's when I knew it was over...

At my work's big posh 25th anniversary doo... nearly all 150 odd employees were there.
She had alcohol problems and I'd put up with it for over two years, I was getting to the end of my tether. She got hammered on white wine. Tried to heckle the MD, and then was forcing one of a wife of one the directors to dance against her will. Couldn't sit up properly on a chair, was so drunk she couldn't walk. I was alerted to this when someone said "I think you should deal with your wife, she's lying on the dancefloor and her tits have fallen out."

She then refused to go to the room in the hotel the company was paying for. So some colleagues tries to help me get her up there. She ended up swearing, screaming and kicking and biting my colleagues, it took the hotel manager threatening her to get her up to the room. Where we'd got sandwiches set up. She proceeded to tell me how much she hated me, and how I apparently hated her, then tried to fight me. After the 5th swing at me, I pushed her back on the bed, she kept trying to get up and hit me and I kept pushing her back on the bed. After several failed attempts to hit me, lay on the bed, I put the sandwiches next to her which she ate, she whined and cried then fell asleep. I went back to the party, the fire alarm went off. I left her in the room. She slept through it. I wished then for an escape. Then she got pissed at dinner with my parents over a week later. I knew then I had to get rid of her. A month later it was my birthday, I went drinking after work with a few friends, didn't invite her, she'd expected me to come home and collect her and go out. I wasn't going to have YET ANOTHER FUCKING NIGHT ruined. I had a great night, didn't come home, didn't phone or text her and I ended up watching a band called KUNT and kipping in my mate's spare room. She went on a week long bender as a result. At the end of it we agreed it was over. I've never felt so relieved in my life.
(Sat 23rd Jul 2005, 12:02, More)

» Birthdays

My best birthday was this year... it got me a divorce.
My wife had problems, she'd get pissed and embrass herself by being very drunk. It was my birthday and I chose to go out with some friends and people from work, then I was supposed to phone her later and she and her brother would come out and meet me for drinks. I didn't bother as I didn't want my birthday spoiled by her drunken antics, so I stayed out with my mates, who dragged me along to see an all girl band who used an angle grinder as part of their performance called 'Kunt' (who were very good). I stayed at my mate's house. The wife avoided me and didn't speak to me for a week, and when she did she said she wanted a divorce. I was over the fucking moon, I'd was free of the overbearing, drunken, possessive cow. I was so happy. I'd never been able to bring myself to ask for one... even when I'd found out a month before she'd been cheating on me. I am now one of the happiest people alive.
(Fri 9th Dec 2005, 15:18, More)

» When animals attack...

Two lion cubs at Safari Park
when I was three. There was a woman taking these two lion cubs she was hand rearing for a walk and the started chasing me. Being 3, and knowing it was a lion,(albeit a cutesy lion cubs just wanting to play) and me not being able to comprehend that they weren't going to eat me. My parents stood by laughing, while I'm panicing and running about being chased by a two lion cubs. I haven't forgiven my parents for that.
(Mon 6th Jun 2005, 13:13, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

There's the one I got printed in the popbitch mailout...
Someone I know recently got a new car, the stereo in it's ace, you say "Rap" it plays rap music, "Rock" it plays rock music.
One day some kids ran out in front of his car and he yelled, "Fucking Kids!" and it started to play Michael Jackson
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 12:35, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Sadly not real... but I made it myself.

(Tue 8th May 2007, 13:24, More)