» Babysitters

Staying Up Late
When I was a kid my mum used to go out with her mates on a sunday night and this meant my dad would watch me and my sister.
We used to love it, he'd get us some sweets and let us stay up really late as long as we didn't tell mum we'd stayed up.
Or so we thought.
Turns out he used to change the clock on the tv so it said 11 instead of 7.
(Mon 1st Nov 2010, 22:47, More)

» Dad stories

Answer Machine
My dad is pretty much a 50 year old child. A few weeks ago I spent the weekend at home because I was going to a gig and it was cheaper to get there from home than from where I go to uni.
When I got home my dad was the only one home and was sat by the phone laughing hysterically.This went on for a bout 20 minutes until he managed to calm himself down enough to tell me what was so funny.
He'd rang my nan's house but she wasn't in and it went to answer machine so he farted down the phone.
(Thu 25th Nov 2010, 13:07, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

"HURT ME!!"
When I lived in halls at uni, you could hear a lot of what was going on in peoples rooms out in the hall way and in our kitchen.
One night one of the lads had managed to pull some girl on his course. Sat in our kitchen, we could all hear the bed squeaking and then we heard
"OH HURT ME.. OH HURT ME... HARDER.. HIT ME...AGAIN... OH GO ON.. OOOH HIT ME"
*bang*
"NOT THAT FUCKING HARD YOU STUPID TWAT!"
then the inevitable slam of the bedroom door as she stormed out 10 minutes later with tissues covering her nose.
(Thu 23rd Jun 2011, 18:00, More)

» Guilty Laughs

Babysitting
My youngest cousin was around 18 months old and I was keeping an eye on him with my sister. He was sat on the floor playing with a make shift drum
(plastic mixing bowl and a wooden spoon) doing that thing that small children do where they do something, laugh and then look to see if you're laughing too.

After a while he stopped finding it funny and abandoned the mixing bowl. My sister was lying on the mat reading a magazine . A look of sheer determination
on his little face and the spoon gripped firmly in his hand he toddled off in her direction.
He stood over her for a few seconds and she thought he was looking at the magazine in her hands.

"Are you looking at the pictures? see all the pictures?" She asked
*SMACK*
Right in the face.

I don't know who laughed harder, me or him.
(Sat 24th Jul 2010, 13:42, More)

» Lies that got out of control

Pirate
I'd been dying my hair black since I was 13 so by the time I got to year 11 I was used to people asking me if I was a "Goff" to which I'd just reply
"No I'm FootOfTim"
However out of the new intake of year 7's there were a group who were a bit annoying. They'd constantly hover around me and a few others asking if we were "Goffs" and stuff like that.

One day I was wearing a black hair band with a skull on it when the little ones approached.
"If you're not a Goff why do you wear that thing with the skull on it?"
Not being able to resist I replied,
"It's cause I'm a pirate yaaaarg!"

They seemed to like this answer because for the rest of the year whenever I walked past one of them, they'd nudge their mate and say
"See her, she's a pirate"
This resulted in me having to answer the register with "YARG!" when my form tutor found out, as he was one of their teachers.
(Thu 12th Aug 2010, 23:46, More)