» Devastating Put-Downs


A few years ago I used to get the train to Chelmsford along with about a bajillion other commuters. Getting out of the station every morning was made slightly more bareable by the guards leaving the wheelchair access open and glancing at tickets held up by passengers as they hurried through. One morning there was a new face on duty and the wide gate was closed. It was taking far longer than usual for us to get out to the street as more and more trains pulled in.
I witnessed at least half a dozen people ask the guard why the gate was closed as they each got to the barrier and with a withering look he would just silently tap the automated barrier and refuse to provide any reasonable answer.
When I got to the fron I said "Excuse me mate, I have just a small piece of advice for you. When paying customers ask you a reasonable question it would be polite of you to give them a reasonable answer". This was completely ignored and as I got to the other side of the barrier I finished with "Otherwise people might think you're an ignorant cunt".
Thereby easing my frustration without 'actually' calling him an ignorant cunt :)
(Thu 1st Dec 2011, 12:47, More)

» Brits Abroad

Crimes against good taste
Lived in Lanzarote a few years ago. Whilst house hunting we looked at a place owned by an old brit woman who had carpets throughout and wood-chip wallpaper, painted in pastel shades. You wouldn't think twice about it here but I swear in all my years there I NEVER saw a single other house with carpets or wallpaper. It was fucking hideous.

Also remember talking to a pissed old irish guy in PdC who was perched on a barstool and gazing out to sea. He looked puzzled for a moment as he stared at the island on the horizon. He asked me what it was and I told him it was Furtaventura. He paused then said "Hmmm. It wasn't there last year was it".
(Sat 26th Apr 2014, 9:00, More)