» World of Random

Student protests!
I was out in London the night the student protests kicked off last month (Work thing, not protest related). As my group of drunken associates walked to Chinatown we saw a guy walk across and stand in the middle of the road and stop a car in its tracks. He looked a bit pissed and like he was working out his next destination. The driver did the only sensible thing and hit his horn in a long beeeeeep. The guy in the road turned to face the car and held up one of those stupid horns (Those Voovoozella things), and blew it back at the car and stood waiting for the drivers response. The guy with the horn was louder than the car too. The driver and the horn blower just looked at each other. It was only the horn blowers mate who wandered out of nowhere who broke the stalemate and dragged him off.
(Thu 21st Apr 2011, 16:45, More)

» Guilty Laughs

On my honeymoon in Dominican Rep...
My new wife and I were lounging by the pool in the sun. There were few people about as the pool we were at was a bit out of the way. My wife at the time was reading her book and i was just looking out for any talent that might wander by.

Well, talent there was not, but there was a rather large lady who arrived by the pool with her lady friend. Large lady and mate deposited all their many belongings on the oposite side of the pool form us. Amoung the many items was a large inflatable lilo, the type that folds into an arm chair type of thing. So, after faffing about the large lady eventually drags the lilo over to the pool edge and folds it into the armchair position. She places it in the pool and went back to grab her book and her drink.

At this point I had given my wife a nudge and said "Look at this...". Queue fat lady leaping backwards off the pool edge, book in one hand (opened to the page she wanted to read by a thumb), drink in the other, onto her floating armchair which sat about 12 inches ABOVE the water. Well, top heavy ships dont tend to float and neither did she. After the huge splash she popped to the surface still with book and drink in hand with a priceless look on her face. At this point my wife and I were almost wetting ourselves with laughter besides the almost empty pool area. Her mate looked at us too and gave an awkward smile but it was obvious that she wanted to laugh too.
(Thu 22nd Jul 2010, 18:05, More)

» Inflated Self-Importance


My dad used to own a big luton van for his various business interests. For some reason that I forget, most likely to hide it from bailiffs knowing him, he parked said van away from home. The location was somewhere quiet and residential but parked legally and lawfully. Anyway, he goes to pick it up a day later and some woman comes out of her house and starts giving him shit about parking there and how she was going to call the police if it was not moved, its an eyesore and all that. So pointing out it was parked legally and not an issue my dad was told "My husband is a magistrate". His reply was "Really? I've never told a magistrates wife to fuck off before".
(Sat 26th Jan 2013, 8:27, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

A female work mate
has been going through a bit of a rough time divorcing her husband. As part of the break up she managed to nick his tower from his desktop. She asked me to help her get some pictures from it as she has no means to do it now she is living at her parents again.

Whilst scouring the content of the hard drive as you do, i also thought i would take a look at the outlook account on there and make sure it was secure and not being hacked. Usual crap on there, but whats this? An adult singles website? Oh, username and password too.....

So my guilty confession is that i have been sneaking into her account and reading the messages she has been exchanging with men about how she wants to be fucked in a public place and how she wants to be caught wearing no knickers. Apparently she likes the danger of getting caught doing sexual stuff but never had the guts to do anything too risky.

I have even considered setting up an account there and seeing if i can get her to send me some pictures of her naked or something.

Im going to hell, but i know thats where all the fun people will be.
(Mon 30th Aug 2010, 9:25, More)

» I didn't do it

Me and my dad
We certainly never left the house at 3am once to go and spray some brand new speed cameras with black paint. That would be wrong officer.
(Fri 16th Sep 2011, 0:49, More)