» Racist grandparents

Great QOTW
I know a lot of people have had a downer on this weeks question, but I've found it a fascinating insight into the views of the general public.

It's a bit like pulling back the covers to reveal the repressed feelings of individuals who don't speak their mind only because of fear of criticism rather than because they think it's wrong.

I'm mixed raced and have encountered my fair share of racism (mainly in the 80's & 90's). It's still there, just whispered rather than shouted.

Anyway, my kids are mixed raced and for the time-being oblivious to the prejudice that exists in the world. One afternoon over dinner, my father-in-law referred to the guy over the road as "the coloured chap". Cue my wife and I looking at each other aghast.

My boy who's nearly four piped up immediately "What, like the people in Avatar?"
(Tue 1st Nov 2011, 9:49, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Proud Mickey
It was 1981, and my family and I had been happily living in our three bedroom townhouse for the best part of a year.

Having moved in, my dad systematically began redecorating every room in the house as it was clear the previous occupants had an odd fixation with beige (maybe it wasn't a fixation, just the 70's).

It finally came the time to do my bedroom. As a young lad, I picked out the perfect wallpaper, it was Action Man performing all sorts of heroic tasks in jeeps, helicopters and motor bikes. Probably worth a bob or two these days.

Having purchased said paper, my Dad and I began the ball-aching task of peeling the old wallpaper off the walls. All was going well until the final wall, when lurking behind the paper was a 6' illustration of everyone's favourite rodent, Mickey Mouse. Mickey had a big grin on his face, and rightly so because he was sporting the largest penis my tiny eyes had ever seen. The artist had clearly put way more effort into the cock and balls than anything else, ensuring they were fully detailed with bulging veins, neatly trimmed pubic hair and wrinkles.

My mum and dad laughed, I was just a little bit frightened. They called it a day, and left me to go to bed with Mickey's enormous member mere inches from my face.

We papered over Mickey the next day, but to my knowledge he's still there, terrifying unsuspecting 6 year-olds.
(Wed 29th Jun 2011, 12:32, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

Team demotivation
Years ago the company I worked for invested a huge proportion of its annual profit for a "performance consultancy" to take the sales team off-site for a 2 day motivational course in Brighton. The sales team consisted of eight people of varying age and experience.

Legend has it that the senior management team had full disclosure of the agenda and had approved it prior to the trip.

The first day and a half was bog-standard fare, so team-building exercises, presentations and strategic planning and a heavy night on the piss. Nothing offensive, but also nothing worth paying an outside company for.

The final afternoon was the stuff of legend. Every person was sent away for an hour to compile a dossier on every other member of the team. Their profiling should include two things they liked about each person and one thing they disliked.

After the hour was up we regrouped and took it in turns to say our piece to every other member of the team. Two things became quickly apparent:

1/ It was clearly hard for people to come up with two things they liked about their colleagues.

2/ People were not content to only list one thing they disliked.

It was a horrible session that culminated in three people taking the train home early and four people resigning the following Monday morning.

Money well spent.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2012, 15:39, More)

» Guilty Laughs

Odour emitting from safety apparel
Some years ago when business was actually good, my company decided to treat its best customers to a day go-karting. As an employee it was basically a day off so we were all keen, but having customers there meant you were supposed to be on your best behavior at all times.

As a generic work drone, I and a few others were treated to a lengthy lecture by our boss prior to the event on how to conduct yourself when out with clients. You know the drill, make chit-chat at all times, makes them feel special, don't do anything to soil the company's reputation.

Skip forward a few hours and we're all at track-side getting into our suits and making sure everyone has the right equipment. One of the young girls in our team isn't particularly happy with the fragrance of the equipment she's been given. Turning to our most important customer and shouting over the noise of the engines, she's says with absolute innocence: "Tim, have you got a smelly helmet?"

Thank god you can't hear people laughing when they've got crash helmets on.
(Fri 23rd Jul 2010, 15:33, More)

» Complaining

Stop and Search
Back when I was in my early teens (some 20 years ago now), I was stopped outside WHSmith by a heavy-set, plain-clothed gentleman who flashed me his police badge and declared he was about to perform a stop and search on me.

This was my first brush with the law and I was at first terrified and then deeply ashamed as he rifled through my pockets in front of a growing crowd looking for jewelry that had recently been reported stolen from a high-street store. Apparently I fit the description of the thief.

Having found nothing of value on me, he took my details and told me they might be in touch later that day and that I would be kept on record for a year.

Now I was an innocent and naive lad in those days whose only vice was spending too many hours on my Atari ST, so to say the experience shit me up was an understatement. I bolted home to tell my Mum and she literally exploded in rage.

The thing you need to know about my Mother is that at times she can be a very stereotypical northern woman, and therefore insulting or embarrassing a member of her family is likely to be dealt with by great fury and anger.

She marched me straight down to the police station and demanded to see the guy who had searched me. Sensing this was not a woman to cross, he was summoned to talk to us, and the conversation went something like this:

Mrs BinDipper: I want to know why my Son was humiliated in front of a crowd of people when he's only 13 years old

Officer: Because he fit the description of a suspect we want to question

Mrs BinDipper: What's the description?

Officer: The suspect was wearing a blue coat

Mrs BinDipper: What else?

Officer: (long pause) white male, 6' tall


I'm black and would have been about 5' at that age.

Took ages to fill out the paperwork to lodge the complaint, but worth it for the begrudging apology that followed.
(Tue 7th Sep 2010, 13:12, More)