» My Worst Date

Bisexual Three way
My wife and I were out at a gay bar with a bunch of friends. She meets another bisexual guy and really hits it off with him and wants to take him home. I am not into the guy at all, but figured I would humor the wife.

We drive 45 minutes back to our place get undressed and into bed. We start off with a little spit roast action, but not for long. Somewhere along the lines I guess he decided he was more into the idea of me plundering his booty, which I had no intention of doing. He kept getting on all fours and begging for me to do him.

When he finally got the message that I wasn't interested, he requested we turn on some porn so he could finish. I grabbed the closest porn I had, but he wanted some gay porn. At this point I was just over it and kicked him out to the couch, and we all went to sleep unsatisfied. I figured I would take him back to his car first thing in the morning.

First thing in the morning I am thinking I got to get this guy out of here pronto. When he finally gets up and comes into the kitchen, my wife invites him to stay for waffles.

All I could think was "WTF woman!" I guess she had a good time anyway.
(Sat 23rd Oct 2004, 3:19, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Bon, Simon Lebon
I grew up in the eighties. My favorite band was Duran Duran and I idolized Simon Lebon. I liked the synth pop music, the cryptic lyrics, and their well groomed style.

I don't believe I had picked up a comb or purchased my own clothes until after seeing "Is there Something I should Know?" on MTV.

About 10 years later they were doing a record signing in my town, so me and my wife waited in line for two hours to meet what was left of the band at the time.

By the time we got up to the front of the line they had stopped signing their new album and were rushing everyone through so they could leave.

So we get to them and as I am shaking Simon's hand I awkwardly blurt out something along the lines of, "You were a really big role model to me growing up..blah blah"

He didn't say a word. He just released my hand and gave me the strangest horrified look.

To this day I can't figure out if the reaction on his face meant that he thought I was a giant loser, or if I was trying to get in his leather pants (I wasn't), or if he was just an ass.
(Tue 30th May 2006, 2:55, More)

» Slang Survey

Racism
I have recently developed a really bad habit of refering to people of different races using a sterotypical first name plus a bastardized last name that includes a slang term for their race or sterotype.

black = Leroy McSpookereton, etc
hebrew = Gladys Jewschitz, etc
asian = Ling Ling McChinkerton, etc
gay = Joshua Von Fagensburg, etc
latin = Jose McSpickerton, etc


I apparently picked this up and warped it from a couple of Friends episodes.
(Thu 5th Feb 2004, 22:55, More)