» The Apocalypse

World War Three
Sort of on topic...
As a kid I lived with my Dad who was career military. He was posted to the United States at the time of the first Gulf War starting (1990 I think it was) and as such was working a 24 hour day, coming home only for a quick rest and a change of uniform etc but was always on call.
I remember him being home asleep at one stage, when his phone rang waking him up. I heard a brief exchange and then he was out of bed, into the room where I was looking very ashen faced. I askd him what was wrong and I still remember his exact words, "A thermonuclear device just got detonated over Baghdad. Thats it, World War Three."
I froze.
My heart leaped out of my young chest as I tried to come to terms with what my Father had just told me. Then I may have started crying. He then bursts out laughing, ever the kidder, telling me he was joking and it was the on-duty guys calling to wake him up.
Fucker.
I think I was 9 at the time.
(Fri 15th Jun 2012, 2:28, More)

» The Great Outdoors

First time camping as a Cub Scout
Got forced to go camping on a weekend as a 6-7 year old, holed up in a large tent with about 10 other kids. Middle of the night I needed to pee so bad so I crept out of the tent as to not wake anyone and headed down to the festival style porta-loo...only to find another of my fellow campers cowering in the confines of the loo holding his undies in one hand and completely covered in shit. And i really mean COVERED in shit.It was even on the walls. And the smell. Oh the smell just almost made me puke. We looked at each other and he said in a quiet voice, 'Help'.
Without a word 7 year old me slowly closed the door and crept back to the tent and waited until morning, holding my almost bursting bladder.
Never saw that shit covered kid again.
(Thu 29th Mar 2012, 23:39, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome II

Last Christmas
at my local shop, young lady on the till wearing an awful gaudy Christmas related top.
Me: Oh no, are they making you wear that horrible thing *smile*
Her: No. this is mine...

oops. grab bacon, make exit.
(Mon 20th Aug 2012, 0:51, More)

» First World Problems

I work at Foxconn
All the stories you hear are false. We get to have 2 hours rest in our 24 hour work cycle, just enough time to find a corner of the factory floor to close my eyes and eat my government issue pot noodle. I even get paid enough to send money home to my parents so that they can afford power and food.
The honour of being involved in the manufacture of iPods for fat, spoilt Western children so that they can listen to the ear raping stylings of artists like PitBull or Chingy is payment enough though.
(Thu 1st Mar 2012, 23:45, More)

» Random Acts of Kindness

I guess this counts
I went to school with a guy called Ray, he had it real tough as a teenager and was, well, generally, a pretty wierd guy. He kicked around with us but we all lost contact with him as his erratic behaviour increased and his schizophrenic paranoia took over.
A little while ago I came across him in the city, long dreaded hair, dirty, one shoe on, that sort of thing. We recognised each other and in a moment of lucidity i suppose, he told me how he'd been living on the streets for the last few years and had been feeding himself at mens homes.
I was a student at the time and had fuck all money, probably $38 in my wallet for the week. I gave him the whole lot and urged him to go and buy some food with it. He shuffled off looking like a complete vagrant.
Saw him on my way back through the city shit faced drunk covered in puke with a really nasty looking gash over his right eye. Looked like he'd been glassed or stabbed.
Guess I tried to help...
(Fri 10th Feb 2012, 3:40, More)