» Random Acts of Kindness

collapsing bloke
While on the always terrible train to London bridge from Greenwich someone fainted/collapsed next to me. He wasn't small(though not a giant) so people just bundled out of the way. I was next to him and managed to grab him before he hit the floor. I should note at this point that the train was packed. He and I were standing the isle between two seats so there wasn't really anywhere for him to go and they just stared. Three fat ladies previously gossiping about their inability to lose were closest so I asked them to move. They just stared again. So I raised my voice. 'Move, NOW'. The joy of being a big strapping bloke is that raised voices get people moving usually. Got his sunglasses off, into the recovery position, shouted for a doctor. One appeared and everything seemed settled. We pulled into London bridge and got him off the train for the waiting paramedics. I said goodbye and went to work thinking what wankers these people were for just staring at this poor bloke.

wavy lines..

It's my birthday. I'm in the pub with assorted friends/flamates/my sister. I see someone point at me and the bloke who I helped walks over. 'Hi, er my friend just pointed you out as the bloke who helped me when I collapsed on the train. She said you were amazing, took control and looked after me. Can I buy you a pint?'. The table is now agog. I get sheepish, say yes and accept his thanks and say it's just something you do. I really wanted to thank him for his timing, in front of all my close friends I now looked like a fucking hero! So yeah, returned karma :)

Does make me wonder why the friend who recognised me didn't do anything?
(Thu 16th Feb 2012, 10:29, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II

Banged a weather girl.
Due to some fortunate geography I grew with a current sky weather girl. We went out for a few months before both going to seperate unis and never really speaking again.

Not really interesting. BUT I do get to bring it up when people mention how pretty she is. Victims of this include my dad, mums new partner, brother, numerous ex girlfriends(who didn't even mention it) and my nan.

So basically, I'm a braggart. But then if you knew what this girl was like you would too.
(Tue 25th Sep 2012, 11:42, More)

» Morning After Souvenirs

Not me but her.
I have the souvenir of dented pride.

Woke to find myself in the bed of a girl I'd been seeing. She was pretty and liked Spaced so I was happy to be back in her bed. I rolled over and put my arm around her. She woke and then quite violently sat up. 'Oh god did we sleep together?' she gasped. 'er yes' I respond. 'SHIT'.

Bit awkward after that. I made it more awkward by saying that she definitely said yes(I was and remain a paranoid bugger).

So big regrets for her. And in the end I regretted it as well. Though I laugh about it now. Sometimes.

Length? Enough for no regrets at the time. Clearly not enough to cover me until the morning.
(Mon 30th Apr 2012, 10:31, More)

» Twattery

Train twat. Again.
Usual train drudgery.

I helped an old lady with her two suitcases onto a fairly busy train. I picked up my own bag and hopped onto the train just as the doors were going. I got caught. Normally I understand the lack of sympathy for this situation but I'd been the good Samaritan here and now I was paying for it, in front of alot of people including one fat twunt standing closest to me who thought this was the *funniest thing he's ever seen*. Big mistake

With red mist mode engaged I push open the doors and get onto the train. I'm now opposite my fat little laughing friend and having a good stare. He stops. Something snaps inside. This pony tailed, snide shit was openly laughing at my predicament behind glass but now it's gone. Time to engage(I should note that despite my height I have never engaged anyone like this since leaving school). Before I know it I've grabbed his collar and pulled him forward. 'Why aren't you laughing?'. He can't answer. I bang him against the partition. 'Why aren't you laughing anymore?' He makes a noise and looks down. 'Because your a piece of shit that's why' I say looking into his eyes and shove him back to where he was.

Fuck. What have I done? Why did I do that? I now realise there is nowhere to sit and I've got to stand opposite this twat until London bridge, 15 minutes away. Arse.

So I'm a twat for a loosing my rag. He's a twat for laughing at someone who tried to help a struggling person. And for having a pony tail.
(Thu 19th Apr 2012, 10:58, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

Anyone know about unit testing?
Yes?

Well on a recent project for an insurance company I was pulled into a meeting for another project. Apparently I was stopping the project from progressing because I'd 'broken the build'. Being totally mystified I asked for clarification. Turns out my unit tests were failing in the core project due to changes they'd made to it.

I laughed. I shouldn't have, but I did. I pointed out that, if you change it then the tests have to change. That they are broken is good and indicates a degree of coverage and protection. Fixing them should be trivial and you can carry on. I said this to a room of seasoned contractors, all highly paid and well thought of. Not a single one knew what I was talking about. This is the programming equivalent of 'What you learn first', the abc, the 101. Now I was worried.

In the end we agreed to disagree and they simple stopped using the build system. Deploying straight to the server is much faster apparently...and definitely didn't cause them to fail hard.

Pointing this to senior management didn't endear me to them either.
(Mon 27th Feb 2012, 16:01, More)