» Devastating Put-Downs

Waynetta my neighbour
Waynetta my neighbour accosted me one morning complaining about my kids throwing cigarette dimps into her garden(fair complaint)
I told her i will get the kids to pick them up when they get home from primary school(only joking,there 20 & 18).spaceI thought I was being reasonable as couldn't do anything else till they came home from work,
Until she came out with" I don't even smoke"Before she'd even finished the smoke,quick as you can i replied"I've not got a cat but my gardens full of shit"That ended that conversation,now she throws the dimps back which is fair play to her,and i do likewise with the cat shit space...
(Tue 29th Nov 2011, 14:05, More)

» Devastating Put-Downs

Holiday Drink
In a bar in Holland got chatting to a few locals,just general crap when a girl a few years younger than us turned to mate and said" I do not fancy you" with that my other mate chirped in with"have a few more drinks,you might change your mind"
(Tue 29th Nov 2011, 14:19, More)

» Devastating Put-Downs

My mates
Getting on the bus one day and being kids jumped the queue(like you do)and this old dear pipes up "Do you mind,i'm 76 you know" with that my mate replies"yeah.well i've got longer to live than you"...

Going through a toll bridge my mate asks how much,the toll booth guy replies"5p mate"
my mate replies"fuck me mate i only want to drive over it not buy it"
(Mon 28th Nov 2011, 12:34, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

Nosey 13 yr old
When i was about 13 may even been 12(30 odd yrs ago),well i had about 10 pubes so it was around then.I was a dirty little barsteward and had managed to cop off with a girl a couple of years older(nice and mature,her own boobs and thatch)
Well we were fooling around in her best mates sisters house while the sister was out.Just to set the scene this was very early eighties when if you didn't pay your electric bill they cut you off,well there was no electric on just candles(very romantic)
Being a nosey get and wanting to have a look at a real vagina i thought i'd go down for look,
She's lay there legs open while go in for a closer look,with my candle in hand looking like wee willy winky,in all my excitement at seeing a real fadge i went in a bit close,
all i can say them pubes are a bit flammable,sadly to say that was the end of that.
There's nothing like the smell of singed pubes to knock even a young lads passion and the fact she wouldn't let me near her unless Red Adair was on stand by...
(Tue 28th Jun 2011, 23:43, More)

» Grandparents

My scouse nanna
This is my 1st QOW,be gentle
Were to start,loved a drink and loved a sailor hence 2 uncles with different dads.
She married my dads,dad(1st born)..(keep up)and went to live in London in a big house and maids etc,but left him and went back to Liverpool as she didn't like it.By all accounts he was worth a few bob and was a WW2 war vet who escaped from the germans,my dad had no contact with him so the story of my life i missed out on my inheritance,or just some good war stories would have done(easily pleased)
As i said she loved a drink and after the odd whiskey or three was renound for getting her tits out on the dance floor.(bless her...must be where i get it from)
My uncle used to drink in the same pubs as here and when he was going to another pub she'd tag along,one day they came out of the pub and borrowed a bike,my nanna on the handlebars while my uncle pedalled like the clappers.i had visions of that film with Paul Newman in or E.T.
New years eve parties were good when we were kids,us coming from Manchester,a bit of an eye opener is Liverpool at 12 o'clock on new years eve,plenty of characters.
(Tue 7th Jun 2011, 13:11, More)